The Giraffe Riddle

There’s a riddle going around on Facebook where you have to PM the person who posted it with your answer (should you feel the desire to play along) and if you get it wrong you have to change your profile pic to that of a giraffe for 3 days. If you get it right, nothing has to change. You can then post the riddle yourself and have your friends try it out.

First let me get this out of the way. DO NOT post the riddle. It’s a hassle, with a ton of wrong answers, a couple right answers, and a bunch of conversations with people not getting it or arguing why it should be what they say it is instead of what it really is. Most of all, you’ll find that a lot of the people who answer it wrong just don’t want to change their picture to that of a giraffe.

FOR THREE DAYS?! THAT’S LIKE, FOR-FUCKING-EVER DUDE! FUCK THAT!!!

Seriously, why play any of these bullshit games to begin with if you’re just going to flake out on it in the end anyway?

Long story short, I got it wrong and now my profile picture is a giraffe. I’m fine with that, because I don’t give that much of a fuck. It isn’t against my religion to have a giraffe represent my Facebook profile for 3 days.

Anyway, here’s the reason I’m writing this. It’s not just a “Hey, look! Here I am! I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth! Not yet!” post, it’s because someone decided they were going to write up an article to be posted on a “news” website about this fucking riddle. Here’s the riddle as I saw it on Facebook.

I’ve changed my profile to a giraffe. I tried to answer a riddle and got it wrong. Try the great giraffe challenge! The deal is I give you a riddle. You get it right you get to keep your profile pic. You get it wrong and you change your profile pic to a Giraffe for the next 3 days. MESSAGE ME ONLY SO YOU DONT GIVE OUT THE ANSWER. Here is the riddle: 3:00 am, the doorbell rings and you wake up. Unexpected visitors, It’s your parents and they are there for breakfast. You have strawberry jam, honey, wine, bread and cheese. What is the first thing you open? Remember… message me only. If you get it right I’ll post your name here. If you get it wrong change your profile pic.

Spoiler alert bitches, the answer isn’t “the door.” It’s “your eyes.” Despite what a supposed legitimate internet news source will try and have you believe. The answer is “your eyes.” And I can prove it. The sad thing is, it’s not fucking impossible to see that that is the answer, yet Danny Cox, Pop Culture expert that he is, couldn’t get it right and he let everyone know it by writing up a story about it for The Examiner (hint, the link I posted a second ago.).

Here is the riddle again, copied directly from The Examiner article, so you know we’re not dealing with two different versions.

“It’s 3 a.m., the doorbell rings and you wake up. Unexpected visitors! It’s your parents and they are here for breakfast. You have strawberry jam, honey, wine, bread and cheese. What is the first thing you open?”

Forget everything about this, except for the very beginning and the very end.

“The doorbell rings and you wake up.”

“What is the first thing you open?”

Quite obviously the first thing you opened in this riddle is your eyes. The question doesn’t ask you what the first thing you opened after you woke up was, it asks you what the first thing you opened was. That’s it, nothing more, nothing less.

Danny Cox, I’m sorry man, but your explanation of why the answer is really “the door” is fucking stupid.

“Here is where there’s a problem with the answer being that you open your eyes first. The giraffe riddle asks the question after it already says that you have woken up. If you’re awake, than your eyes are already open but you still have yet to open the door for your parents.”

So because the riddle asks the question at the end of the riddle, that means you’re already awake. What? How so? Are you saying that riddles typically ask their questions first and then give the details or the story second? Every riddle I’ve ever heard asks the question at the end.

Based on what you said, we’re supposed to discredit the part where you wake up in the story because the question of what you opened first comes after that has been said. Well if that’s the case, then we also have to discredit the door, the jam, honey, wine, bread and cheese too. Based off of your explanation, NOTHING was opened in this riddle because everything mentioned in it came before the question was asked.

You fucking moron. If The Examiner needed physical paper copies of their news to be sold in order to make money, you wouldn’t have a job there. As it is, you’re not wasting paper, just cyberspace, so your job is safe. For now. However, with your awesome grammar such as “If you’re awake, than your eyes are already open…” The Examiner’s Editor’s job is probably in jeopardy. Than? Really? I’m surprised you got “you’re” right. Good job with that one.

There were a couple of other mistakes that Editors are supposedly paid to fix, but I won’t point them out because I don’t have to. The biggest mistake in your article is that you wrote it to begin with. It’s not like you posted the wrong answer, you posted the wrong answer and then told everyone why it was the right answer. As if that wasn’t good enough, you then went a step further to prove why the right answer is wrong. You sir, are amazing.

I bet The Examiner is so proud to have you on their staff.

For the rest of you, don’t hate on giraffes, unless you have a fear of them and their cold-blooded killing ways.

“I will fuck you up, hombre.”