Category Archives: Food Reviews

I like food.

Shitty Restaurants: Cheddar’s

I watched an episode of Kitchen Nightmares once where Chef Gordon Ramsey was at some shit hole trying to help them make it work. One of the biggest problems they had was their “chef” who wasn’t very good at cooking. To test him, Chef Ramsey asked him to make an omelette. He couldn’t.

You see, Chef Ramsey asked the guy to make something simple. Not some sort of French duck dish. A fucking omelette. And he couldn’t do it.

This is how all restaurants should be judged, and this is how I judge all that I go to. I have certain things that I order, depending on what kind of restaurant I go to. My wife yells at me for never trying new things. But, it’s all part of my master plan. You see, among all other kinds of restaurants, if I go to a place that sells burgers, I order a burger. Specifically, a mushroom swiss burger, if they serve them. And if they can’t do that right, then why the hell would I want to order anything else from them?

Burgers are as American as American gets. They’re so American that on any given street where businesses abound, you can have three fast food burger joints lined up next to each other, and a new place will open across the street also selling burgers. Burgers are a staple. Anybody who cooks food of any kind should know how to cook a hamburger correctly. It’s not hard.

It is literally this easy. Take yourself however much ground beef you need. A quarter pound, third pound, half pound, whatever. You smoosh it with your hands until it resembles a patty. You cook it. It’s done. Sometimes you can even go all out and season it with a sprinkle of salt and pepper on each side while it cooks.

Now, was that so fucking hard? If you go to a sit down place, it shouldn’t take but 5 to 10 minutes for you to get your hamburger after you order it, depending on how busy the place is. They don’t take long to cook, and they’re easy to cook. And if you’re really good at making them, they don’t even need a lot of TLC. Once they’re on the grill, you literally only have to flip them once. I had a girlfriend who was like that.

The reason I bring this up is, my wife and I decided to try a new place that opened up here a couple years ago called Cheddar’s. Since I’m a fan of cheese and the name of the place is one of my favorite cheeses, I thought this would be a no brainer. Besides, the place looks awesome.

We had a date day one day and decided to eat there before going to see a movie. I saw they had a mushroom swiss burger and promptly ordered that, while getting the business from my wife about always ordering the same shit. She ordered fried chicken strips. I’m pretty sure we ordered an appetizer, like a quesadilla or something, but it wasn’t good enough for me to remember if we actually did order one or not.

Cheddar’s are located all over the mid-west. That doesn’t mean they’re good, it just means they’re a chain. Same could be said for Applebee’s. Fuck Applebee’s.
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What Happened, Burger King?

When I was growing up, up until I was a late teen, Burger King was the shit. I would always pick them over any other fast food burger joint, including McDonald’s. And then, sometime in the mid to late 90s, they decided they were going to change their fries. Everyone was pissed. Their new fries came out, and people were on the fence about them, but Burger King continued to be a pretty good place to eat.

I started to get used to the new fries, but I still wasn’t happy about them. I had no other choice though. If I was going to eat at Burger the King, I was just going to have to deal. But then, a couple years later, they decided they were going to change their fries yet again. And yet again, this pissed me off. It only showed to me that Burger King had no idea what they were doing.

And then the burgers started tasting bad. Too much of the flame broiled flavor was being added to the burgers and after eating one I’d be burping up flame broiled flavor for the next day or two. So, much like the rest of America, I stopped eating at Burger King.

Oh yeah, that’s totally a flavor added to their burgers. Don’t let them lie to you. Their burgers are sent to their restaurants frozen, pre-cooked, and they have those grilled lines on them added for the look, just like the flavor is added for the taste. Neither have anything to do with the actual cooking of the burgers.

I don’t know how well they’re doing in other parts of the country, or the world, but around here they’re terrible, and have been for many years. Well over a decade. Every time I pass by one I see no business, when all other restaurants around them are busy as hell. I just can’t figure out how they’re staying in business.

On a side note, I was working in Mason, Ohio for a while and in one spot there are two of damn near everything right down the street from one another. Including Burger King. I thought that was special, considering one barely gets business, now they got two eating into each other’s business. Well apparently one of them closed recently. SURPRISE SURPRISE.

I see a commercial every now and then for Burger King, as they continue to promote their business, and their food, and they continue to come out with new items and specials. Yet I continue to always see no business as I drive by.

Recently Burger King announced they were going to start selling Mac N Cheetos and the internet collectively lost its shit. While die-hard Burger King lovers were still completely pissed (including myself) at the fact that they got rid of their tater tots with the cheese in the middle, everyone seemed to be excited about the Mac N Cheetos. The fattie in everybody was happy.

An orgasm for your food hole.

An orgasm for your food hole.

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Norwood Taco Bell Sucks

The Taco Bell in Norwood, Ohio, has been terrible for as long as I can remember. I’ve heard plenty of others bitch about the place over the years, but here’s a quick story of what happened to me today just to give you a bit of insight as to how much this place sucks. It’s suckage makes it one of, if not the worst, Taco Bell’s in Cincinnati.

For starters, they’re the only TB I know that doesn’t serve breakfast.

Second, they’re combined with a KFC, and I’ve never had a good experience from any Taco Bell combined with a KFC.

They’ve got one a half stars on Yelp. The first review is quite clearly a plant by either Taco Bell or Yelp. The rest of them are spot on.

Never mind this place being slow as hell all the time, no matter when you go or how many other people are eating there, chances are very good that they’re going to fuck your order up, if they even take it right to begin with. At the drive-thru, when the rest of the modern world has switched to TVs at the microphone so you can see what your order is as you’re placing it, this TB/KFC still has the old fashioned microphone only. That’s so you have no idea if they’re taking your order right or not.

They have a bunch of Mexicans working there. I don’t have a problem with that per say, but sometimes they stick one in the drive-thru and they usually just barely speak English.

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Food Review: Skyline Chili

This is really for those of you who are located around the Cincinnati area and know of Skyline. The rest of you can bugger off. Really, get to fuck. Cause you won’t have a clue about what I’m talking about.

A few years back Skyline introduced habañero cheese for a limited time only. It went over so well they brought it in full time. Just a few years ago I worked at a Skyline and dealt with this cheese. There’s a Skyline right down the road from me and my wife and I eat there regularly, and have for years.

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Uh Oh! Spaghetti-O’s!

I don’t know. Just kinda sitting around, eating some food from when I was a kid. Thought I’d post about it.

Spaghetti-O’s, made by Campbell’s Soup Co., recently put out some new flavors. Typically you get a shit load of O-shaped noodles in a tomato/cheese sauce. Well now that they’ve added these three new flavors, they’ve only slightly changed things up.

I guess there are three new flavors, that’s what I saw at the store, which was Wal-mart, by the way. That’s also where I stole the pictures from.

I got a can of each and I’m giving them a try. Not at the same time. Although now that I think about it that might be interesting. So here’s my review.

spaghettios-beef-tacosI first tried the Beefy Taco’s, and they had what they advertised. Beef, and a taco flavor. The problem is, the taco flavor is basically just taco seasoning added to the Spaghetti-O’s and by the fourth or fifth bite it was just too much. Not that it was bad, it was just kind of “eh.” The beef in it, though, is much different than what you would expect out of a meat sauce in say, a Chef Boyardee can of pasta. If you were to fry up some ground beef and get it all broken up and loose, then you dump it all in a colander, whatever tiny insignificant pieces fall through the holes in the colander, that’s typically what you find in a Chef Boyardee meat sauce. Instead, Campbell’s gives you slightly bigger pieces of cooked beef that actually have texture and flavor. There aren’t a lot in a can, but there’s more than anything the Chef ever did. Overall, not too bad, but nothing I would try again. Unless maybe I had some shredded cheese and sour cream to put on it. 3 of 5 stars.

spaghettios-cheeseburgerosNext I tried the Cheeseburger-O’s. They were a little better, but exactly what I figured they would be. Basically they added some flame-broiled/grilled seasoning to the sauce and there you go. It would be the same kind of stuff they add to those frozen ballpark burgers to make you think they’re flame broiled, or grilled on a grill, but it was actually made in a factory where they painted those grill burns on the burger. Or, just like they do with all of the burgers at any Burger King. This one also has the little beef chunks floating around in it. The flavor wasn’t too much with this one, at least for me. I could probably eat this one again. 4 of 5 stars.

spaghettios-cheesy-pizzaosLastly I tried the Cheesy Pizza-O’s. I guess in Campbell’s world these are Cheese Pizza, but here, in the real world, they’re Spaghetti-O’s. Regular old Spaghetti-O’s. Had somebody made those for me and not said a thing about them, I wouldn’t have thought twice about them. Cheesy they were not, at least they didn’t come across as more cheesy than normal, and pizza they were not. At one point I did look into the bowl and see a piece of what I’m assuming was Italian seasoning, or something, but that was it. Now that I’m done eating them, the aftertaste kind of tastes like pizza, but again, if I hadn’t known what flavor they were, I would have never guessed it. I give those a 2 out of 5 stars because they fail. Otherwise, they don’t taste bad at all, just nothing like pizza.

I regularly don’t eat Spaghetti-O’s, and these special new flavors didn’t really do much to keep me eating the brand. All they really made me do is wish I had a taco, a cheeseburger and a pizza. If you’re interested in trying these or you think your kid would like them (they probably will cause kids will garbage down anything from a can) give them a try. I found these at Wal-mart and they were just under a dollar a can.