Tag Archives: vodka

Delivery Tales: Dirty Dancing And Russians

It was a long and slow Saturday night. Things weren’t happening at all until about 1 AM which is when our late nights start, if they’re going to. Coupled with yet another snow storm, business picked up from nothing to full onslaught in a matter of minutes. Everything was going well until my first incident of the night.

There’s this guy who orders all the time. He lives in a nicer apartment complex and it seems that either me or our one female driver, Angela, gets his orders. We’ve discussed many times whether he was gay or just metrosexual. He’s in his late thirties or more likely his early forties, always dresses nice and is always cleaned up nice. He always smells good and he talks with a gay tone. Angela tells me when she delivers to him at his place, which is a townhouse, that he’ll step outside and shut his door behind him. She’s also delivered to him all over the complex at many different apartments, townhouses and the clubhouse, and he’s always partying. When I deliver to him it has always been to his place and he always invites me in. That’s why I think he’s gay and not just a metrosexual. He’s always nice, ALWAYS drunk or otherwise fucked up and he always tips very well, like $10 minimum.

The last time I was at his place he invited me in and there was a younger guy sitting on his couch and he looked completely out of place. The customer, as always, was dressed up real nice. The younger guy on the couch was thugged out, ball cap on backwards but to the side a bit, big heavy coat on, spoke with a white thug accent. The guy on the couch asked me if I wanted to do any drugs. I declined.

Well tonight I had to call because I had two bits of info on the order. His address and a note saying to go to the clubhouse, which has a different address. A girl answered and I heard music in the background, so I figured it was the clubhouse. She told me it was the townhouse, so that’s where I went.

When I got to the door I heard the music, loud R&B/Hip Hop, and I heard a few people talking loudly and laughing. When I knocked, a guy answered the door, maybe early twenty-something. In the back of the place I could see the regular customer guy talking with another guy and neither bothered to look my way. Behind the guy who answered the door, in the middle of the living room floor, were two early twenty-something girls dancing to the music. A brunette was standing with her legs spread and she was bent over at the waist with her hands on the floor in front of her, ass sticking up, while a blonde was standing behind her, hands on the brunettes hips and griding her ass, as if she were fucking her. They both looked up at me. I smiled at them, kind of laughed and directed my attention to the guy in front of me who seemed to be sober.

I told him the price of the order, $19, and he handed me two twenties and said he needed change. The brunette behind him stood up, never taking her eyes from me, and walked up behind the guy I was dealing with. She wedged herself between him and the door frame and began grinding on him, still not taking her eyes from me. She had a serious look on her face and appeared to be intoxicated on something.

At one point he kind of laughed and told her to get back, but she persisted. As I was trying to find change for a twenty, she then took her finger and began lightly scratching under my chin. I just smiled, but I kept looking through my money to find adequate change.

He finally got her to move, but she went to his other side and again wedged herself between him and the door frame and continued to grind on him. I found a ten and a five dollar bill and handed them to him and began looking for another five. She once again took her finger and lightly scratched under my chin. I smiled again and looked up and she was singing along to the song playing loudly in the background, still focused completely on me.

He handed me back the five I gave to him and I said he had more change coming and he said to keep it. I thanked him and then he told me to have a good night. I said I figured he would probably have a better night than me. He laughed while she moved behind him and wrapped her arms around him, rubbing his chest with both hands, and then pulling him back into the townhouse. Nice. And before anyone asks, yes, she was attractive. So was the blonde.

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Just Sayin’

While speaking with Leah in the comments section of my Monkees piece, and then speaking with Keith Brogdon on Facebook (Keith was the drummer for one of my favorite bands Bare Jr.) I’ve come to the realization that I love Traffic. They jam and that’s okay by my standards.

I also realized that I’m drunk. This happened after I drank some cherry infused vodka and then some beer.

That brings me up to an interesting thing. I ran out of weed a few days ago and we don’t have the money to get any more. So I’m doing without, mostly also because I need to get a job and those bastards drug test. Earlier on my way to get the beer I stepped outside and apparently just before I did that a skunk had been hanging around and sprayed something. So it smelled like weed outside. God hates me.

But I have (had) pizza Pringles, so everything’s okay. For now.

Also, I’ve been pitching articles to Cracked to see if I can get published over there. If so I’ll do it under another of my pen names, Alan Marsden. So keep a look out there for my article, because they just accepted one of the four I’ve pitched. It’s currently in the Editorial phase right now, which means it very well can still not be picked, but I’m one step closer than I was just moments ago.

When they accepted my pitch for Editorial, they made a drunk man very happy. And with that, I’m just sayin.