Depression Rules

I started writing this in January, and put it on the back burner because, while I originally read the article I link to coming up shortly I thought of a few points to add that the article didn’t touch on. Then I started writing this and forgot all of them, so I thought I’d hold out until they all came back to me. That never happened. And then, sadly, Robin Williams killed himself yesterday because of depression, and thus I thought to look this up and give it another go. So here it is, half a year later. Which isn’t so bad, because I’ve got some drafts from a century ago that will probably never get posted.

I just read an article on Cracked (literally just read it, and came here to write this) called 5 Facts Everyone Gets Wrong About Depression and thought it was not only an excellent read as far as entertainment is concerned, but it hit the nail on the head as far as depression is concerned. That Mark Hill knows his shit. Sadly, because that means he’s depressed, or at the very least used to be. Except in the article I think he mentions he still is, so, still sad.

His article is right, down to the last word, which happens to be “crap.” I just thought I’d throw out some crap you might not know about me and depression, to piggy back off of what he said.

For starters, I’ve been depressed most of my life, except I didn’t know it in the beginning. Now I know what mine stems from, mostly. Mine comes from an average shitty upbringing. It wasn’t exceptionally bad, but it wasn’t great either. It wasn’t something huge, it was just a long string of small stuff that kept eating away at me like tooth fairies on enamel in the Hellboy world. There comes a point in time when you give up on trying and you just succumb to the depression that you might not even know you’re succumbing to.

They’re just so damn cute though!

Editorial Archives: It’s All Your Fault

It’s All Your Fault
Oct. 29, 2004

This article is all on the topic of how you screwed everything up. Everything. I’ll start with your parents divorce.

You see, when parents are married, they are married because they love each other, usually. Sometimes they get married because your mom got pregnant, probably with you, and they had no other choice because your grandpa held a gun to your dad’s head and told him he better marry your mom or he won’t get to see tomorrow. Sometimes that’s the case. They’re not in love with each other, and usually they suffer thru life with each other. And it’s all because of you. Sure you could say they are only together because of you and how that’s a good thing, but don’t water down the truth. The fact of the matter is, even now if they’re still married, when they go to bed they are sleeping as far apart from one another as possible. And if they did get married because your mom got pregnant and they wound up having other kids, don’t think that’s love. That just means your parents like to drink, and when adults drink, shit happens.

But when parents are actually in love with each other when they get married and now they are divorced, it’s only because of you. When you came along, tensions started building between the two of them and they couldn’t handle each other anymore. That’s life you say? No, that’s you. Everything was going great until you came along. They could go out and enjoy themselves. When they got married they could date still, and that’s a huge thing for a married couple. But after you came along, they couldn’t go out anymore, they couldn’t date, they never had time to themselves, they couldn’t make love anymore, they couldn’t do anything. Because they were too busy taking care of you. And what was it you did to them for all their trouble? You cried all the time, pissed and shit yourself all the time, and you were never happy. Ask them, they’ll tell you. All you did was cry and bitch when you were a baby, and usually in the middle of the night, when they were trying to sleep so they could go to work the next day refreshed and ready to work, to make money to pay for things for you. You see, your parents loved you, and how do you repay them for all they did for you? You kept them up all night by crying and shitting.

So eventually, all of that took it’s toll on your parents and they started getting upset with one another. Because one would need a nap while the other one was at work, and therefore couldn’t get one. So when the other would come home from work, the one that was home with you all day would be cranky and bitchy, just like you. Because you rubbed off on your parents. Then they get into fights and then they hate each other, again all because of you. They wind up getting a divorce and they hate each other. You guessed it, your fault too. They may tell you that isn’t it, that they love you and that it’s “Not your fault”. Don’t let that fool you, because no matter how much they may say that, they still have this spot in them that blames you for every bit of what happened. And they should. You ruined what they started. You butted your head into something that wasn’t your business and you tore it up piece by shitty piece.

Now here’s something that happens usually when parents get divorced. They meet new people. When this happens, sometimes you get a new mommy or daddy, and they’re called your “step parents”. You might have a step mom or step dad now. Here’s something that you may or may not know, they hate you too. They hate you because chances are good that they have kids of their own, you know, your step brother or step sister. So they know exactly what it’s all about, and they don’t hate you for who you are, they just resent you because they now hate all kids like most divorced people do. In a way, all divorced parents are racist. They all hate the child race. You didn’t think it was a race? Well it is asshole.

So your step parent hates you because they hate their own kids, OR because you are still in the picture. If you have a step mom and you live with her and your dad, she hates you because you’re still in the picture. She hates you because she has no reason to like you. In fact, the only thing you’re doing is taking some of your dad’s attention when she wants it all. She didn’t have you, so why should she like you? All you’re doing is getting in the way. The same goes for if you live with your mom and your step dad. They don’t want you around. Chances are good that whichever parent and step parent you live with, that parent doesn’t like you because they are scared to be alone. They need to be loved again like they were with your other parent, but you ruined it all. So if they treat you like shit, expect it and deal with it because you deserve it.

Now, this usually leads to rebellion in life, you start to do your own thing and fall in with the wrong crowd. When you do this you start to lie, cheat, steal, do drugs, drink alcohol, and have sex. If your parents find out, they’ll hate you even more for that, because you’ll be showing them that they failed as parents and parents hate to be shown that. After all, they already know they failed in life because they had you. Anything else would just be too much.

So do us all a favor and run away or just kill yourself. Nobody will care. Mommy and Daddy have new lovers now, they have no time for you. Besides, things will probably be better without you anyway for everyone.

All of this is to help you. It’s to help you understand what’s going on because I know you’re confused now. Besides, your parent and your step parent no matter which one, maybe both, will have a new kid of their own, and when they do this you won’t be needed anymore anyway. In your time of depression and despair, you have this article to help you. That’s right, you can just come here when you need someone, and I’ll ignore you too. I don’t like you either.

I hate you, just like your parents do.