Tag Archives: sports

Delivery Tales: And This One Belongs To…

While delivering tonight I was given a double. For those of you who can’t figure it out, I had two deliveries going out together in one run. The first was going to this shitty no-tell motel we deliver to all the time. Despite it being the bottom of the barrel as far as my delivery area is concerned, we actually get pretty decent tips over there. That’s because the clientele there are typically either drug dealers, drug users, or prostitutes, who quite possibly could fit into either of the first two categories as well. Basically, they all have money and they’re not spending a lot on their room, so they tip well.

I got to the guys door, lately he’s been ordering almost every night and he’s a good enough customer, but for some reason tonight he didn’t answer his door. I knocked twice and waited. Then I heard his air conditioner kick off, and I looked in through his window and could just barely see his TV on. Since the air kicked off I tried knocking again, cause maybe he could hear me this time. Nope.

So he either passed out, which happens a lot late night, or he was taking a shit. So I got my phone out and called. His voice mail picked up. I began leaving a message and was about to tell him I was going to take my next delivery and come back, but I noticed it was a credit card order.

Now, some pizza companies have a policy that no matter what, if they don’t answer their door and you don’t actually hand them their order, you have to bring it back to the store. The company I work for isn’t that way, so I did what I always do in this situation.

I left his order at his door with his copy of the credit card slip and I left. I told him that in the voice mail.
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What The Hell, NFL?!

I noticed this last week when I finally got to watch a preseason game and it was so stupid that I couldn’t even write about it. I tried to bitch about it in my head enough that an article would come from it, but it was SO FUCKING STUPID that I couldn’t even think about it. Finally, last night while watching another game it came to me. But first, let me fill you in on what I’m talking about.

Last week I was flipping between two games on TV. Every time I went back to the one game they were kicking off after a score and the first time I watched one the guy kicked a field goal while kicking off. I thought that was funny. But then on the second kickoff, he kicked another one past the end of the end zone. I heard the announcer say something about how we’ll be seeing a lot of that this year because the NFL changed the rules regarding kickoffs. Instead of kicking the ball from the 30 yard line, they’re now kicking them from the 35 yard line. They’re doing this to prevent players from getting hurt.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT ABOUT?! Is all I could think to myself. It’s a CONTACT SPORT. Injuries happen. After the dumbfuck offseason we just went through and now this, I’m really seriously considering never watching football again.

Now, I know that this particular rule is only in effect for this season and after this season they will take a look at it and figure out if they’re going to keep it in effect or not. I’ll give them until then. If they decide at the end of the year to keep it like this, I’m seriously done watching football. Forever. Or at least until they put the ball back on the 30.

Why? What’s the point, you might ask me. Who cares where they kick the ball from? I do, fuckers. Because football is a contact sport. They tackle each other. Hell, even in training camp while working out players get hurt. They’re only human and shit happens.

So now they’re taking out a part of the game so that injuries can be cut down. That ruins the sport. They’re taking out a part of the game by having damn near every kickoff end in the end zone so that it will be considered a touch back instead of having the guy who catches it return it. Really?

Since we’re making this game safer, let’s change some more stupid shit. Instead of punting the ball from where you were stopped, let’s move the entire team up 20 yards and then have the punter punt the ball. This should keep anybody from returning the ball, especially if the team was already on the 50. Having the punter punt the ball into the stands is a lot safer for the players that way.

Instead of having the players tackle one another, let’s have them wear two little strips of cloth on their sides and the other players have to grab at the pieces of cloth. If both are removed, that player has been stopped. See? No tackling involved.

Instead of all of that heavy gear they wear TO PROTECT THEMSELVES, let’s replace it all with pillows.

Instead of throwing a hard football, let’s have them use a nerf ball. They’re safer. And instead of having winners and losers, let’s make it like kids sports these days. Everyone wins. Everyone gets a trophy after each game.

What the fuck is wrong with the people running the NFL? Are they actually fans of the game, or are they just collecting paychecks? Are a bunch of fat ass lazy house wives running things now? “Oh, it’s too dangerous. Let’s soften it up.” Fuck that and fuck them.

Do you see Rugby changing shit around to make the game safer? If anything, they’re adding shit to make it tougher. I think for this next season they’re installing land mines on the field.

I’m so sick of this safer bullshit. Not only is that a slap in the face to the game and the fans who watch it, it’s also a slap in the face to those who played it in all of the years previous. Those players who made careers out of playing football the old fashioned, “dangerous” way. All of those thousands of players who SURVIVED and had a safe career, versus the hundreds who have been hurt because of being tackled. Let’s weigh those options and see which one comes out on top.

Maybe the more astute NFL fans can fill me in on something I might be missing here, but I just don’t get it. Fuck safety. They wear pads for that. They’re trained professional athletes for that. They know what the fuck they’re getting into each time they put on their gear and step on the field. A bunch of pansy ass suits don’t need to be telling them how the fuck to play the game.

One year. I’m giving them until the end of this season. If at the end of the season they don’t put this shit back the way it was, I’m done with it. Period.

You Know It’s Bad When…

You know you’ve got a drinking problem when you look in the fridge, see you have 8 beers left, and are pissed because you only have 8 beers left.

I mean, I’m drunk now, so obviously 8 beers was enough. I’m actually drinking the eighth as I write this.

Was this a party night? Were there guests over? Was a sports game on?


This is a typical night for me when I have beer. That’s a big “WHEN” because sometimes I go for a period of time without it. That period sucks, but it makes those tiny periods when I do have beer that much more enjoyable.

Which is why I over over-indulge. You see, I would love to have a nice beer, a good beer, something with body. Like an amber style beer, Amberbock would be a nice choice, as would Killian’s. But I can’t have those because they cost too god damn much. I’ve even started drinking Hudy Amber, a newer beer that is a very good amber style beer, but low on cost, since it’s made by Hudepohl. But even then, I can get a 12 pack of it in bottles for $10. Not TOO bad if I want to treat myself.

I always go, though, with the cheap purchase. Get more for my money. Like a 30 pack of Keystone Light. Can’t go wrong there. Unless I’m trying to watch how much I drink. Because my fridge with 30 cans of beer in it is a welcome sign to drunken bliss.

The only problem with that is, a 30 pack literally only lasts me 3 days. That should average out to 10 a day, but I’m much better than that. Typically I can kill a 12 pack with no problem, and most of the time I want more after I’ve had that.

So you can see why tonight I was a little upset that I only had 8 beers left. The good news for me was, I was slightly tired. So 8 did the trick.

I habitually go to parties where there will be just four of us and the question will be asked; “Do you think two 30 packs will be enough?” The answer is always “no” and we go get another one.

Yes, I can party with just 4 people. If you can’t, you don’t know how to party.

The upside, besides getting drunk for no particular reason? I recycle cans and get paid for doing so. Sure it’s not much, but whatever I get always contributes to another 30 pack. You see? That’s good economics.