Tag Archives: drunk

Florida Or Bust

This was a Daily Prompt, but Daily Prompt removed it from their blog. I guess it was such a touchy subject, “Tell us about the farthest you’ve ever traveled from home.” I can see how that would hit on some nerves.

The farthest I’ve ever been from my Cincinnati, OH home has been to Florida, twice. The first time when I was 2 years old my parents took me to Disney World. Cause you know, that was the perfect age to take me so that I would NEVER FUCKING REMEMBER IT. There aren’t even pictures of it, so thanks parents for taking along a camera.

The second time I do remember, although it wasn’t to Disney, which frankly I’m fine with. I had been working in radio for 5 years and then suddenly I was no longer working. For a month. I decided in that time that I would go see my dad in Florida and since he was about to drive back here I decided I would fly down and ride back with him. Awesome possum.

I went online and booked my flight. I discovered the best option for me was to fly from Dayton, OH with one layover in Atlanta and then on to Jacksonville. Since this was the first time I had ever flown I was a little green with experience and I found the quickest layover in Atlanta was just a half hour. I figured I didn’t want to be hanging out in Atlanta all fucking day, right? Get me to Florida already.

Because of our new security measures at airports they suggested I get to Dayton’s airport 2 hours before my plane left. I did. For those of you who have never been to Dayton’s airport (which I’m guessing is ALL OF YOU) there aren’t many people there, ever. This is especially true for when I was there. I went through security in ten minutes and was sitting, twiddling my thumbs the remainder of the time I was waiting for my plane.

Just kidding. I decided I wasn’t going to sit and wait for 2 hours so I found a bar. I ordered a long island iced tea. I drank it. I ordered another one. I drank it. I ordered another one.

Two hours went by pretty fast at that point and I wanted to smoke but couldn’t in that airport. I started to head back to the main entrance so I could smoke, saw the lengthy hallway and decided against it, so I went back to the bar, ordered another long island and drank it.

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Just Sayin’

While speaking with Leah in the comments section of my Monkees piece, and then speaking with Keith Brogdon on Facebook (Keith was the drummer for one of my favorite bands Bare Jr.) I’ve come to the realization that I love Traffic. They jam and that’s okay by my standards.

I also realized that I’m drunk. This happened after I drank some cherry infused vodka and then some beer.

That brings me up to an interesting thing. I ran out of weed a few days ago and we don’t have the money to get any more. So I’m doing without, mostly also because I need to get a job and those bastards drug test. Earlier on my way to get the beer I stepped outside and apparently just before I did that a skunk had been hanging around and sprayed something. So it smelled like weed outside. God hates me.

But I have (had) pizza Pringles, so everything’s okay. For now.

Also, I’ve been pitching articles to Cracked to see if I can get published over there. If so I’ll do it under another of my pen names, Alan Marsden. So keep a look out there for my article, because they just accepted one of the four I’ve pitched. It’s currently in the Editorial phase right now, which means it very well can still not be picked, but I’m one step closer than I was just moments ago.

When they accepted my pitch for Editorial, they made a drunk man very happy. And with that, I’m just sayin.

My Next Project

Ladies and gents, I had a thought one night, that I could do my own eating show, just like the one on the Travel Channel, Man V Food. Only, in order to eat a lot I have to be wasted on liquor and beer.

So, I decided to do my own show called Drunk Man Vs Food. I haven’t done a challenge yet, but I have a friend on board to do the driving and the filming. I’m going to hit up places in and around the Greater Cincinnati area that have food challenges and I’m going to get wasted and attempt them. Then I’ll post the show on my new site for everybody’s enjoyment. Including my own. I’ll have to watch the tape later just to remember what happened.

Anyway, the website is up and running now. I’ve had it done for a while and was really wanting to debut it with my first video, but I wanted to publish it and get that done and out of the way. Plus the anticipation was killing me.

Check it out if you like. The link will be up on the right side for future reference.