Political Trash

Can anybody tell me a better way to completely ruin the curb appeal of your house than by filling your yard with political signs?

I’m fucking sick of it. Every year around voting time, a ton of people put a ton of shitty signs in their yard to tell everyone else what shitty candidates and shitty issues they’re voting for. Has anybody changed their minds on who or what they’re voting for based on these signs?

At this point, what’s the point?

Nothing good can come from it. Nothing. They don’t change anybody’s views or beliefs.

“Hey Martha, the people in that house are voting for the candidate opposing our candidate! That’s it! I’m changing my vote! Well played, sign!”

It doesn’t happen. We have to see this shit MONTHS before the vote, and for months after, because those shitty people don’t take the shit out of their yards until well after the new year. And then what happens to all of those signs? Millions and millions of signs in every neighborhood, in every city across the country?

They go in the trash. And they fill up our landfills.

They’re a fucking waste. What’s more, the materials used to make all of that bullshit could be better used making something else, but no. We’re a wasteful fucking nation who doesn’t give much of a shit about anything other than ourselves. Aren’t we supposed to be saving the planet for our grandkids or some shit?

Hey, asshole, the people you’re voting for just helped pollute the world by giving you a sign for your yard. They’re part of the problem, and so are you.

These are the same idiots who put a bumper sticker on their car to show everyone driving behind them just who they stand for. Unlike the yard signs, which can be removed and thrown away, the bumper sticker is permanent. So if they lose the election? You lose until you trade your car for something else five years down the road. Awesome, idiot. You’ve permanently shown everybody that you make bad decisions, twice.

Never mind that political campaigns cost millions of dollars, which is a problem in and of itself. How much of that money is wasted and thrown away (all of it) by not only having those signs made up, but by paying people to walk around and put them in yards? It happens. You can typically get them at a hardware store, or where ever else they’re handing them out, if you absolutely must have them for your yard. Or you can wait until they walk around knocking on doors and ask you if you want one for your yard.

This doesn’t look bad to a lot of people. Let that sink in.

I think the whole thing should be made illegal. Those signs are nothing more than litter. And if you don’t pick up litter in your yard, you get a fine. Those signs should be no different. I don’t mind if you get a new roof or new windows put on your house and you put up that company’s sign in your yard. That kind of makes sense, in the scheme of things. And some companies, like 1-800-Got-Junk will give you a discount off of the next time you use them if you have their sign in your yard when they show up. Hell yeah, that works.

“Wow, their roof looks amazing! I wonder who did it… oh look, there’s a sign in their yard. I’m going to call them.”

That sounds more plausible than political signs, doesn’t it? That makes sense. It works. It’s advertising that could potentially bring in more business to the company on the sign. Again, political signs don’t change people’s minds. Has one ever changed yours?

Is your worthless political candidate going to give you a tax break for putting his shitty sign in your shitty yard? Fuck no, your political candidate isn’t going to give any shit about you at all after the election. Guaranteed. Political candidates don’t give a shit about the people until election time. Do you see them running commercials talking about how great they are and what a benefit they are to you during non-campaign seasons? Nope. They only want you to know who they are when they want your vote. Period.

This is one of the reasons I don’t get into politics. Because they’re all full of shit. There should be a more accurate name for politics that accurately describes just how full of shit they all are. Like “polishits.” That’s it. From now on, call it polishits.

Fuck polishits and polishitical candishits. Fuck them all, and their stupid, earth-ruining, property-value-lowering signs.