Radioactive Animals

Making headlines now is a story about a glowing turtle that was just discovered in the water of the Solomon Islands.

We just now discovered this bright bastard. Good job, science. Source

We just now discovered this bright bastard. Good job, science. Source

The turtle, a biofluorescent reptile, is the first reptile found that glows. Other things glow, such as coral, fish, sharks, and ooze. So far no humans are capable of glowing. Well, shit.

What gets me is, we’re just now discovering this turtle. And it fucking glows. How hard is it to find something that literally broadcasts that it is there? Never mind finding new and exciting creatures at the bottom of the sea, we’re still finding shit floating around near the surface that we didn’t know existed.

Amazing. We know more about outer space than we do our own oceans. I think this has to do with all of the pollution bullshit going into our waters. Remember that nuclear reactor in Japan that lost its shit back in 2011? Yeah, well Fukushima (roughly translated “fucking your shit up”) is still causing issues. And quite possibly making sea life glow in the dark.

And how about the Great Pacific Garbage Patch? Much like the North Atlantic Garbage Patch, it has a ton of crap floating around in the water. We can’t clean it because of the size of it. Estimates say it covers an area anywhere from the size of Texas to twice the size of the continental US. And we already know how full of shit Texas is, and it hasn’t ever been cleaned up.

All that stuff floating around in the water, polluting and destroying, is bound to have an effect on the wildlife in the oceans, including making it glow. Is it any surprise we just found this turtle glowing around some coral, just a few years after Japan tried to nuke the world for retaliation of the whole Hiroshima thing? I think not.

We got billionaires spending tons of cash designing state of the art deep sea diving machines to go to the ultimate depths of the oceans to discover new shit when all they have to do is stick their heads under water and open their eyes.

I’m all for science and exploration and discoveries, but how much trust can we have in these people if they can’t discover shit that is shining brightly and begging to be discovered?

Just wait until next year when we finally discover the sun. “Giant Ball Of Fire At Center Of Solar System Discovered!”

I think the question begs to be asked now. Is Bigfoot real? For everybody saying no, think about the glowing turtle. Again, IT FUCKING GLOWS. And we just now discovered it. With discovery skills like that, Bigfoot could be running around with a flashing neon sign above his head while yelling into a megaphone at the Mall of America on Black Friday and we still wouldn’t see it.

Ghost aren’t real! How do you know? Up until the year two-thousand-and-now we didn’t know there were glowing turtles. UFOs? Forget it. Aliens? Whatever. I believe in all of it now. Even the Loch Ness Monster. We’ve searched and searched for Nessie, but we’ve never found it. That’s probably because we’re looking with high tech equipment. Nessie’s probably waving at the camera and we’re all “I don’t see anything!”

No wonder religious fanatics discredit science. I bet a game of hide and seek with scientists would be extremely boring. All you’d have to do is not hide and you’d win.

6 responses to “Radioactive Animals

  1. Yep, hide in plain site. No one will find you. I believe in ghosts…and even Bigfoot. Hey! It’s October…Halloween’s a comin’.

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