Scared The Shit Out Of Him

Tonight my wife and I went to her cousin’s place for dinner, and we took our little Redd dog. After hanging out for a while, he kept bothering me and bothering me, so I decided to take him outside. I grabbed his leash, which we almost never use cause he never runs off, put it on him, and we headed outside.

The cousin lives in an apartment building, and the people who live there and around there are a special kind of nasty. My wife and I have seen used condoms on the sidewalk near the front door to the building, and a mentally handicapped (not retarded, just mental) woman sits out on the main steps, begging people for cigarettes and playing with her beef curtains for everyone to see in broad daylight. Including all the kids that live around there.

Redd and I got outside and he began sniffing around in the grass alongside the building. We worked our way up to the back of the building where the tiny parking lot is when I looked down and saw a dirty, used up men’s disposable shaving razor lying in the grass.

I bent over to pick it up, cursing the dirty fucks who live there (because again, kids) and I felt the leash tighten in my hand. I looked up to see Redd stretching forward to sniff at a cat who was not only his size, but had his back arched up and didn’t look too happy.


I tugged on his leash and he came over immediately. The only thing moving on the cat’s body were his eyes, staring at Redd. I walked Redd around the minivan parked there towards the back of the tiny parking lot to where the building’s garbage cans were lined up against a fence, and threw the razor away.

While we were doing that, unbeknownst to us, the cat crawled under the minivan and made his way up to the front of it, and hid behind the front driver-side wheel. I didn’t see him, and apparently neither did Redd. We were making our way past the minivan again, Redd right next to the wheel, when all of a sudden that cat shot one paw out with the quickness, hissing as deep and loud as he could, and swiped at Redd.

I had just happened to look down at Redd when it happened, and it scared the holy bejesus out of me. I screamed “Holy shit!” while Redd jumped so quick I thought he was going to jump up into my arms. We walked away from there quickly, me looking around to see if anybody had been outside and heard me shout like that, my heart pounding away in my chest. Redd walked right over to the sidewalk at the foot of the tiny parking lot and began shitting.

The cat literally scared the shit out of my dog.

I was relieved that he was relieved finally, and maybe he’d leave me the hell alone inside. But, I had to pick up the shit.

I went to my car that was parked on the street and found no bags, rather, two paper plates that my wife had used the night before to bring me out 2 slices of pizza that was left over from her dinner at work. I used those to scoop up the shit and again had to take it to the garbage cans to throw away.

As we walked by the minivan, Redd freaked out and tried to chew the leash off of his neck while thrashing around wildly. He wanted nothing to do with that cat, and I can’t say I blame him.

I threw the shit away and went back the way we had come, just like before, and once again Redd flailed around gnawing at his leash. The cat never made another appearance. Maybe it had taken off, but Redd didn’t want to find out.

That was the end of Redd’s charade, but it took a while before my heart stopped pounding, and I’m sure it took a while before he calmed down, too.

Fucking cats.

4 responses to “Scared The Shit Out Of Him

  1. Poor Redd. I can’t even laugh at this.

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