Completely Selfish

Do you know what the problem with this country is? It’s our infatuation with celebrities. I’ve mentioned time and time again how much I can’t stand the desire to know everything about a celebrity’s personal life. And those who thrive on it are the ruination of our country. I’m sure this problem is global, but fuck the rest of the world, I live here, in the good ol’ United States of Asshats.

I just found out, by happenstance, that the queen of celebrities, the woman everybody just can’t get enough of, Kim Kardashian, is putting out a picture book of her selfies, aptly titled Selfish.

I can think of many other appropriate names for it. Like Shitty, Worthless, Go Spend Your Money On Something Else Like A Charity, You’ll Get More Satisfaction If You Just Set Your Money On Fire Unless You Plan On Setting This Book On Fire, Pictures Of A Stupid Whore, The Place Where Kanye Keeps His Dick At Night

If this makes you happy, please don’t ever have children, and shoot yourself in the face. The cover looks like it was created with Microsoft Paint, and we get an instant image of what the rest of the book is going to look like. This time, you can totally judge a book by its cover, because that is the content. Just pictures. Of her. I can think of at least 50 other things I’d rather spend $20 on, in under a minute. Give me more time, and I’m sure I could think of many more things.

Kim, for those of you who don’t know, became a celebrity by… uh… doing nothing other than being rich. Just like many other celebrities nowadays. Just like Paris Hilton.

Just kidding. She became famous after a video of her having sex was leaked to the public. Just like Paris Hilton. Aside from that, both women are worthless and completely uninteresting.

Amazing, I’m a pervert piece of shit for watching porn. Underage girls are sending naked pictures of themselves to boys and it’s looked at as a problem. Some are raped and killed because of it. But these skanky bitches become famous and rich for having sex on tape, and their fan base? Underage girls. That’s what’s important to todays society. Richy bitches having sex on tape deserve to be instant celebrities, while porn actresses are whores and shouldn’t ever be seen in public, anywhere, ever. Makes sense to me.

Both Paris and Kim have more money than they deserve, and they’re more famous than they should be. The fact that anybody who doesn’t know them personally could give one iota of a fuck about what’s going on in their lives, completely baffles me. Completely. Why they need their own TV SHOWS completely fucks my shit. Kim is the highest paid “reality” “star,” by the way, making somewhere around $6 million dollars for her shitty ass show. That was in 2010, could be more now.

I watched her show once, because it was on where I was at, and it was the worst thing I’ve ever seen. Yet the mindless drones who watch it love it. Of course they do. Anybody who watches that shit and enjoys it obviously have nothing better to do with their time, and that says a lot.

I don’t know why I’m saying all this shit, because I’m sure you already know it all, but Kim is now married to Kanye West, the universe’s biggest douchebag. If that doesn’t tell you the kind of person Kim is, here’s one better. She allowed their daughter to be named NORTH. A fucking direction. Why? Because it’s so cute that she’s named NORTH WEST. Also a direction. And the name of an airline company.

Isn't she beautiful? Source

Isn’t she beautiful? Source

There are many problems I have with this book coming out. Here’s one. People aren’t reading anymore. I was just told by a girl the other day that she doesn’t read. She was a teen, about to go tour colleges, and she doesn’t read. The conversation went like this.

Her: So, what do you do?
Since I was there delivering a pizza, I said: Uh… this…
Her: *nods*
Me: And I’m a writer.
Her: Oh. Well, I really don’t read…

It’s not just her. Reading has been on a decline for a while. We could use a CELEBRITY to help with that, right? Someone all the kids love to say, “Hey, read a book!” So Kim, in her ultimate position to get millions of brain dead idiots to do her bidding… puts out a PICTURE BOOK. No words, just pictures.

Hey kids, that doesn’t count as reading a book. And she doesn’t count as someone worth following. For the record.

I guarantee that this book will be a #1 New York Times Bestseller. A picture book. Of Kim Kardashian. She said via the LA Times, “And so, I’m going to make some super-racy. I mean, every girl takes full pictures of their [rear] in the mirror … I might share some of them.”

No bitch, no girl does that. Maybe if she’s a whore she does. Or maybe if she’s a fan of yours. Did I just repeat myself there? So are you going to share some of YOUR pictures of your ass? Or are you going to share some ass pictures that every girl takes? Because that’s kind of what you said.

This book is going to be 352 pages, but pictures of her ass are going to take up three or four pages a piece, I’m sure, so I don’t know exactly how many pictures are going to be in it. And since there will be pictures of her ass in a selfie book, would those pictures be called assies?

I can 100% guarantee that my book is superior to hers in every way. I couldn’t get a publisher for mine, but do you think she’s getting hers done via Lulu? Uh, no.

So go buy her book, keep watching her show, and keep making her rich beyond YOUR wildest dreams. Because it is a dream to you, it’s reality to her. You’ve made her, basically a nobody, rich. For nothing. And how does she thank you for that? By publishing a book full of nothing but pictures OF HER, and making you pay for it.

6 responses to “Completely Selfish

  1. I won’t be buying her book. What the fuck? I never would have known it was out. Who are these people?

  2. I think North is a fine name. For a child whose last name is not in any way indicative of something related.
    Similarly, Winter is a nice name. But not when placed before Knapp. True story.
    I just shake my head.

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