More Like STUPID Phones

I’m getting so sick of the bullshit with smartphones. Like, really sick. Every aspect of them is a pile of lies and shit. Starting with their name, “SMART phones.” Sure they’re phones, sort of, considering the actual phone portion of them is secondary to all of the other bullshit. But “smart?” We all know that’s a load of shit. Do I even need to bring up auto correct? Something that works so bad it’s got it’s own popular series of internet memes and a website dedicated to bringing them to us, as well as tons of articles written by various websites showing us just how bad a feature this is.

Go download an app. Go ahead, do it. I’ll wait. In the app store, how big was the file you were downloading to your phone? Let’s just say it was 22.14 MB, for no particular reason at all. Download it. Now go look at how big the app is. I can guarantee you without a shadow of doubt that it is much larger than that. Why? Because they lied.

There’s no reason for it. Why can’t they tell us how big the app is initially? I don’t know. Why do they lie? I don’t know. I really don’t know why anybody lies, unless they just get off on that sort of thing.

Why can you only move certain apps to your SD card and not others? I don’t know.

I don’t have a lot of shit on my phone. I really don’t. There are only a few apps I use all the time. Everything else, the bulk of what is on my phone, is on my SD card, and it was all music. See how I said “was?” That’s because I just had yet another issue with my phone.

Here’s what happened. Once again I had insufficient space in my phone’s storage to update those few apps I have. I don’t know why, other than the space on my phone was just suddenly gone. Oh, I’ve deleted the cache and temporary files. Many times. I did it again today because I wanted to update those few apps I have to make them current, found out I had insufficient space, and began removing a ton of shit from my phone because this happens every time I try to update my shit and I’m sick of it.

So I went and removed a bunch of shit from my phone AND… still not enough space. Here’s another lie. My phone told me I had over 200 MB of phone storage left, and the one app I was trying to update said it was only around 22 MB of space. How did I not have enough storage left for it? How, indeed.

I went to move the one app I had on my phone that could be moved to my SD card. I had over 5 GB of space left on my SD card, and the app was just a few MB. I was told by my phone that there wasn’t enough space on my SD card to move the app to it.

More lies and bullshit.

So I went on to my SD card to remove even more shit. I removed a bunch of pictures I wanted to keep but didn’t really need to keep, and I removed the temporary files from my SD card. I then discovered “temporary files” also meant my music. All of my music is now gone. I didn’t want to remove it, but since my phone only thought of it all as temporary, it’s now all gone.

With that done, I then tried to move that app over to it again, and SURPRISE! Still not enough room, at almost 7 GB of space. The app, by the way, is for my insurance company. It’s not even a fucking game, or all of the Lord Of The Rings AND The Hobbit movies. It’s an app for fucking Esurance.

So then I decided to get rid of all the apps I have that I don’t need. This included stuff I wanted to keep. I got rid of quite a few things, just so I could update a few apps that I really didn’t want to get rid of.

My SD card is now almost completely empty. Eh. Who needs it? I sure don’t. Enjoying my phone is something I didn’t want to do. Sure, it was a $400 phone, an HTC Evo 4G, but now if I wanted to trade it in or recycle it, the new big thing now where you can get paid tons of cash for your old cell phones, I’m looking at a whopping $3 for it.

In other problems and bullshit, my Wi-Fi turns itself on whenever the fuck it wants to turn on. This doesn’t mean I go from location to location and suddenly it’s on, this is like I’m at home, see it’s on, turn it off, five hours later it’s on again. It’s not even at full strength, which it should be because I’m SIX FUCKING FEET AWAY FROM THE ROUTER!

Don’t get me started on how full of shit Google is, regarding my phone and everything else they run. They used to be great, now they’re too big for their britches. Hey Google, fuck you.

My phone is slow as shit. Probably because of all of the invisible stuff loaded onto my storage. When I type, it lags so bad. You know how if you hold a key down it gives you other options, so you can use other symbols? It will do that for me when I don’t want it to. If I’m typing a word and I just tap the letter T for instance, it will lag so bad it will think I gave it a long tap and thankfully I proofread before I send! Because suddenly “it” is “i5.”

I’m just so unbelievably sick of my phone and all smart phones. This isn’t the first one I’ve had, but it’s shitty just like the others. I don’t think I should have to spend several hundred dollars on a phone that is only going to work great at first, and then be completely outdated in a month.

And I’m sick of being told by my phone that I’m in 3G mode and I have full reception, yet everything requiring reception just loads. And loads. And loads. And never fucking opens or works, because it’s just loading. I see that spinning loading circle and just stare at it. You know why? Because that spinning loading circle is hypnotizing everyone who stares at it, and it’s programming our brains to make us think we’re okay with the shittiness. Maybe if these cell phone companies stopped trying to put out a new cell phone every month and spent more time making better cell phones, the market wouldn’t be flooded with hundreds of different styles and models, and the few we had to choose from would work better and be worth the money we shell out for them.

Where’s my flip phone? Fuck this shit. I’m seriously about to drop a few much needed dollars on a tablet, load all of the apps I use onto it, and get a regular, good old flip phone. Something that actually WORKS.

Also, I don’t need anybody saying, “Well here’s what you need to do…” because fuck you, that’s why. I’ve removed apps, I’ve removed temporary data, I’ve cleared my cache. I shouldn’t have to, but I did all of that. And I still just barely have space on my phone when I should have tons. My point is that it’s all a bunch of shit. I’m not looking for a fix, I’m looking for a way out. Fuck it all.

4 responses to “More Like STUPID Phones

  1. Good rant. It echoed pretty much everything I’ve thought about my phone in the last year or so. And why upgrade, then I have to spend more time figuring out how to use it, sure it isn’t rocket science, but none of them are actually user friendly, and as soon as I’m comfortable with it again, it will break, or something will stop working, or I’ll run out of space. I’ve deleted all apps off my phone except two email apps, because they required so much space that they could never update if I had any of the games or music or or silliness I actually wanted.
    So, yeah, tablet for apps and such, and a good old flip-phone for phone calls… but, then I’m carrying around two devices all the time…

    • Right, two devices. And that sucks too. But for me at least, it wouldn’t be so bad. I don’t really go anywhere. I use my phone for work while delivering pizza, and the only thing I need it for other than calling customers rarely, is for the GPS which is nice. If I get a flip phone, I’ll just have to get myself an actual GPS instead of relying on the phone. Except I don’t plan on delivering pizza much longer, so that might not be necessary. As for the tablet, I’d really only use it at home anyway, so no big deal. For me, anyway. But that is a problem, and they know it. Hell, maybe I’ll just root my phone and only put the crap on it I want instead of all that preloaded junk they load it up with.

  2. Your rants are the best. Hey, I have the same phone as you. Nice to know it’s worth 3$. I refuse to upgrade to the I-sung phone that does everything in the galaxy but give you an orgasm..bc the next version just might, but probably won’t.

    • Right. Yeah, I can’t remember exactly what they offered me, but it was insane low, like lower than I thought it should be. And I checked several other sites and they all offered the exact same amount. Now every time I see a commercial saying they’ll give you up to $300 for your phone, I’m like, yeah, if it’s a brand new iPhone, never been used.

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