A while back on my personal Facebook page I posted that I feel like I have nobody to talk to anymore. I got a bunch of comments on that post from my Facebook friends telling me they were there for me if I needed to talk.
What happened next was exactly what I knew would happen. Nothing. Nobody called me, or texted me, or even sent me a private message on Facebook. Except for the one friend I have left who actually still talks to me in real life.
I was upset that day, depressed a bit, and I was just saying what I really felt and continue to feel. I had two other really good friends, “best friends” if you like, who no longer talk to me. They’re too caught up in their own lives to have a minute for me. And that’s fine, I get it. They’ve moved on and that’s fine. It’s their life and they can live it however they want.
But some of the people who commented are people I’ve known for a long time, albeit only as online friends, but still… nobody other than that one particular real life friend gave enough of a shit to actually reach out and ask what was up, or what was wrong, or to see how I was doing.
Since that post on Facebook I’ve been almost nonexistent there. I’ve made almost no posts, and those that I do make are typically just reposts of funny memes. Nobody really knows what’s going on in my life anymore. Has anybody asked me what’s up? What’s going on? Where the hell have I been? Nope.
Even more recently I posted here how I had made a mistake once and fucked up. I opened up on here, which I rarely do, and am doing now, and I spoke of something important that I needed to get off of my chest. It got almost no views and only got a couple of comments. Maybe I should count down 25 more songs, eh?
I often wonder if I put myself in this position. Is it ME that caused my “friends” to leave me behind? Did I do that? I must have, because I’m the common denominator. So what did I do? Nobody will tell me. Mostly because they don’t talk to me anymore.
Whatever, their loss. Sure I miss them and their company, but I can only try so much before it’s not worth it anymore. One old friend I’ve tried to call three times in the last month or two, and each time the phone rings until I get a voice mail. No return calls have ever been made. And of all the texts I’ve sent only two have been responded to.
The other friend I used to have told me nothing would change when I found out he was getting married to the girl I hooked him up with. I told him things would change, because that’s what they do. He swore they wouldn’t. Well guess what, they changed. I no longer get invited to parties at his house. I guess I’m not a good enough friend anymore to be in his company. These parties, by the way, include birthday parties for his kids. I was invited to the first couple, but after that, nothing. I only hear about them on Facebook, after they’ve happened.
So what does this mean? Apparently I’m not a good enough person to be around. So now I live a life with my wife and my wife alone. Sometimes I still see that one friend I have left, but our schedules conflict. At least I know things are good between us, because he still calls and texts and we still hang out when we can. There’s an effort there.
Does this mean I’m wanting some sort of pity? Oh hell no. This is just something I felt like sharing. Again, I do miss my old friends, but I’m over it. If they want to live their lives without me, and in some instances as a hermit, that’s their choice. And if that means I have to live like a hermit too, that’s fine as well, because I don’t mind. The less people I have to deal with on a daily basis, friendly or otherwise, the happier I am.