What goes around, comes around.
That’s karma for you. What goes around will eventually come around. It’s a circle, like the earth, or a carousel. You put the quarter in, you get on the horse, it goes up and down, and around. Circular, circle. Feel it. Go with the flow.
I lost myself for a moment there in Nealonland.
Here’s the deal. I’m not religious. I believe in some sort of power, and maybe that power is karma, I don’t know. But I do know that I’ve believed in karma most of my life. I do try to be good to others. I try to be nice. I try not to do wrong. Sometimes I slip up, but I’m not perfect. I know a lot of people have faith in God or a few Gods, and I’m happy for them. I think everybody needs SOMETHING to believe in. Whether it’s God, or karma, or He-Man. People need to believe in something.
A buddy of mine is very fond of a quote that I’m glad he shared with me once, from Voltaire. “Si Dieu n’existait pas, il faudrait l’inventer.” That’s the actual quote, but what my buddy shared with me was the translation, cause neither of us speak whatever the hell that is. “If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent Him.”
Even atheists believe in nothing, and nothing IS something. If it wasn’t, then you wouldn’t be able to believe in it.
So I believe in karma, except for most of my life I’ve let things get to me. I’ve let people bother me. I’ve let situations bother me. I don’t easily forget stuff, and I surely don’t easily forgive. I hold onto things for way too long. I know I do, and I know it’s a problem, and I wish I could stop it. I’ve tried, and I’ve failed.
So where do I go from there? Well, tonight at work I had a few things happen that really pissed me off. One thing in particular pissed me off so much that I was ready to burn someone’s house down. At this point of my life I’ve decided that in order for me to feel better about something, in order to feel vindicated, I would deal out payback at the cost of going to jail for it. In other words, I would go to jail just to get even. I know that’s not good, but I’ve fucking had it with people being assholes and getting away with it.
And that’s where I stopped myself. I realized that karma will get them back. I have faith that karma will give them a punishment suitable for their actions, so that I don’t have to. My only regret is that I won’t be there to see it happen. But on the flip side, I believe karma will also be kind to me for allowing it to do its job and for not taking matters into my own hands.
And you know what? I felt better. I didn’t hold onto it. Instead I turned on some tunes and had a better night. That felt good. I’ve never been able to do that, but tonight I did it and it felt good.
So I’m hoping that maybe this will be a new start for me. Maybe this will be where I can finally let things go and trust in karma to hand out the justice. My fingers are crossed.
They’re really not, it’s hard to type with them crossed.