I Want To Join The Illuminati

Lately I’ve been reading a lot on the Illuminati and finding out just who all is in it. Well obviously any rap star who is successful is in it, right? That’s what my reading has taught me. I’ve also discovered that a lot of popular country stars are in it. Basically what it boils down to is, if you want to be rich and famous in the entertainment industry, you have to join the Illuminati. Naturally, we don’t want people with actual talent getting noticed for their abilities.

And then during my research I found out that Danielle Fishel is also part of the Illuminati as part of her work on Boy Meets World. Hell, anything relating to Disney is a part of it. Walt Disney himself supposedly was a big time member of the super secretive, new world order cult.

While my research has turned up tons of info that all make perfect sense, and I have no doubt that there’s some higher power running the world than our independent nations would like us to believe, I still feel as if I’m walking the line between what’s real and what’s a giant conspiracy theory. Now, I’m not a huge conspiracy theorist, but I have to admit, this Illuminati stuff has got me to thinking.

One thing I don’t get about this whole Illuminati thing is, if they’re so secretive, then how come there’s so much out there about them and their evil ways? If they’re so powerful, why do they allow all of that supposed info to be put out there about them? Even on Tumblr, of all places. Also, if everyone who is rich and famous is part of the Illuminati, are there ANY stars who aren’t part of them? Is it possible to become rich and famous as an artist without signing your soul over?

Now, the bad thing about the Illuminati that everyone points out (and I just did) is, if you join, you’re selling your soul to the devil for fame and fortune. What I don’t understand is, how did selling your soul to the devil become a bad thing?

"Come to the dark side! We have pizza."

“Come to the dark side! We have pizza.”

I’m no religious person by any means, so this isn’t something that really hits home with me. As a kid I went to church and actually have visited just about every type of religion and church there is. I was even baptized. But the older I got and the more questions I had that couldn’t be answered properly by any religion or church, the more I started going the other way on it. And the more people I met who are die-hard religious who treat people who aren’t like them like shit really turned me off of it. Wars have been fought for thousands of years over something that tells us we should love our neighbor. None of it makes sense to me.

With that said, I just don’t see the harm in following, believing in, or worshiping the devil. I mean really, how could it be any worse than worshiping God? If two countries and hundreds of thousands of people can be killed in war because of religion and God… how many people have fought wars over the devil? One religion says their God is the right one, while another religion says their God is the right one. Some religions have multiple Gods. If God was the almighty powerful figure who created the Earth in six days and created us all, and it’s an indisputable fact, then why is there so much controversy surrounding his existence and how many of him there are? Yet to my knowledge, there’s only one devil.

God says that he loves me unconditionally, but if I don’t follow his every word he’s going to allow my soul burn in Hell for eternity. The devil tells me to come as I am and enjoy my stay.

These are just some of the issues I have with religion. It doesn’t make sense. Hell, in all reality my personal belief is that everything about religion is switched. The devil is supposed to be cunning and trying to trick us all the time, right? Trick us into doing wrong. As I’ve pointed out, wars have been fought over who’s religion and God are better. Wars where killing and death have happened are fought over a loving entity. People misconstrue what the Bible says constantly to make it work for them and their wrong doings. Personally, I think the devil is God and God is the devil. I think Heaven is Hell and Hell is Heaven. I think that’s the biggest trick the devil has pulled on us, and most of the population of this planet have fallen for it.

Also, we were born with a soul, apparently, that has been around for a long time, right? Some even believe in being reborn as something else in another life, or reincarnation. That means our soul has traveled from one life to another. If that’s the case, I don’t remember any of it. I only know of my life, the one I’m currently living, here on earth. So when I die, if I have a soul that is going to some magical (or terrifying) place, I seriously don’t think I’m going to know it. My soul may suffer, and sorry for it, but I won’t actually know it. I won’t suffer with it. Hell, I’m suffering now on earth, the ultimate hell. So what’s the problem with burning for eternity? I won’t be burning for eternity, my soul will, and I have no idea what goes on in my soul’s life. I’m not there.

With that said, and going over all of the Illuminati stories I’ve read, I think I’d like to be a part of it. To be a part of something massive that rules the world? To get fame and fortune for that? Sure, sign me up. I’ll sport butterflies and triangles and crescent moons. Just so long as I don’t have to make a rap or country album, or work for Disney, I’m all for it. Plus I might get to meet Danielle Fishel. That would rule.

And what would be so bad about that? To have money for the first time in my life, so that I don’t have to worry about bills or where I’m going to get my next meal… that sounds nice. To be able to go on vacation, or maybe even a first honeymoon with my wife. That would be nice. I might even take her to Disney World. And to have a car that I don’t know if it’s going to die on me or not at any given time… oh man.

I think the Illuminati has been given a bad name by people who are envious and jealous of the fame and fortune of others. In other words, as the saying goes, people be hatin’.

And if I’m wrong (which I’m sure a ton of you will think I am, including my wife) that’s okay. WHO KNOWS? Nobody knows for sure what’s going on with the afterlife. You can have all the faith you want, but hard facts are hard to come by in this discussion. Nobody knows if there’s even an afterlife to go to. We can guess and believe all we want, but the fact is, there are no facts. So if I’m wrong and I’m going to Hell which turns out to be the bad place everyone says it is, shit, I think I’m going there anyway. I haven’t been the best person in the world, that’s for sure. So why not get a little fame and fortune for it?

With that I say, Illuminati, have your people call my people and we’ll do lunch.

22 responses to “I Want To Join The Illuminati

  1. I was always taught that the devil was not God’s opposite, but actually worked under him, sort of like the VP in charge of evil.

    And good luck in meeting Topanga! Hope it works out for you!

    • Yeah, I had heard that he was an angel in Heaven who did something bad (I think he created the internet) and was cast into Hell to rule over it. Either way, I’m down.

      Thanks, I hope it works out well too! Topanga is… well, mmm, Topanga…

  2. Very thought provoking. My head almost exploded. I have a seat in the front row of Hell. Maybe we will meet if you choose that route.

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  11. Ok, this has been fun and all guys, and you’ve really helped me to make up my mind. So far I’ve found that the Illuminati, a SUPER SECRET ORGANIZATION openly throws out invitations to join on the internet, they have phone numbers with way too many numbers, and none of them have an actual WordPress account. That’s awesome. I’ve had my fun, now it’s time to spam the rest of the comments I get from you whackadoo’s. Thanks for playing along.

  12. Why the fuck do they all have the same area code?

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