Want To Prove You’re A Fucking Douche? Don’t Use Your Turn Signal

I’m generally not a happy guy. Everything pisses me off. But nothing, and I mean NOTHING pisses me off more than people who drive and think they own the road. Just remember the words from the immortal Red Green, “We’re all in this together.” Yeah, we are. And unfortunately I have to share the road with a bunch of asshole douche fucks who think their shit don’t stink.

Normally it pisses me off when people drive like assholes. But today reminded me that I’d be okay with all of it, if only the douche fucks would at the very fucking least, drive sensibly when the weather is bad.

Today while out, it started storming badly. Thunder, lightning, sheets of rain, the whole nine yards. On the highway I unfortunately found myself driving amongst those who apparently had places to go that were so much more important than everyone else. Speeding and switching lanes like they were alone, and of course, not using their turn signal. One asshole cut me off without using his turn signal (he came very close to hitting me) just so he could speed up and go around the people in front of him who were driving sensibly in the rain. Off of the highway another asshole behind me had to slam his breaks on to keep from rear ending me while I was completely stopped. Because the road was wet and slick, his anti-lock breaks kicked in and lucky for me he slid to a stop within inches of my bumper.

What the fuck is wrong with you people? Seriously? “Oh, I’m a good driver, I know what I’m doing.” Fuck you. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. You’re an ignorant piece of shit.

Despite the speeding, nothing would make me happier than to know someone is going to switch lanes before they switch lanes. Especially when it’s me they’re cutting off. I don’t care if you want to swerve back and forth between every lane on the highway like a drunken idiot, just use your god damn turn signal.

I’ve timed it. It takes .0000468 of a second to use your turn signal. Of all their is to do while driving, it has to be the easiest, simplest, and least time consuming thing there is. You don’t even have to take your hand off the steering wheel. One finger, ONE FUCKING FINGER is all it takes to switch on your turn signals. I can do it in my sleep, why can’t you fucking do it? WHY?

A few years back during another rain storm I was following a guy who had to make a turn. His turn signal didn’t work. How do I know? Because he rolled his window down in the rain and made the proper gesture to signal to me that he was turning. I followed him and when he got out of his car I got out of mine in the rain to thank him for doing the right thing.

More people, as in ALL PEOPLE need to be like that guy. Do the right thing and use your fucking turn signal. It’s not a huge request. In fact, it’s the easiest shit you can do, as I already said. Just fucking do it.

Why are you not doing it? That’s the question I’d like answered. Why? What is preventing you from using your turn signal?

Want some facts, besides my opinion that you’re a worthless fucking asshole douchebag? Here goes. Using your turn signals IS THE LAW. When you don’t use your turn signal you are BREAKING THE LAW. Is that your rush? You’ve been too proper in your life and you just have to break away from the perfect mold you were created in to get your fix of the dangerous life? So you break the law by not using your turn signal and thus jeopardizing the well being of everyone around you, including yourself?

Never mind the law, forget that. It’s the right thing to do. Letting someone behind you know you’re making a turn or switching lanes is common courtesy. If you can’t, at the very fucking least, do that one thing to be a decent person on the road, you should be shot in the face while your children watch. And then they should be shot in the face for having you as a parent.

Douche.

More facts. Because this is such a big fucking problem, car makers are thinking of putting in a safety feature on cars, much like those lights and bells that go off when you have a passenger sitting in their seat without their seat belt on. Not that you’d abide by it, because you’re an asshole, but the fact that car makers are spending money to develop this technology means it must be a serious issue.

How serious? So serious that over HALF OF THE ACCIDENTS ON THE ROAD ARE CAUSED BY NOT USING A TURN SIGNAL. Over half. The easiest fucking thing you can do while driving that doesn’t even require you think about it, because it should just be habit, is the leading cause of accidents on the road. And you’re one of the reasons, douche.

Stop being an asshole and grow the pair you obviously THINK you have. Use your turn signal. It’s not hard. Not using them doesn’t show the rest of us that you’re edgy and against the system. It shows you’re a lazy moron who should have never been given a license and should have been aborted immediately after conception. Fuck you, I hope you rot in hell.

9 responses to “Want To Prove You’re A Fucking Douche? Don’t Use Your Turn Signal

  1. I agree. It takes less than one second to flip it up or down. I even do it in the parking lot. I’m glad you were not hit.

    • Yeah, in the parking lot too. I’m glad I wasn’t hit as well. Either time… I mean, I can (slowly) get over people not doing it on regular days, but in shitty weather? Come on, damn.

  2. @1jaded1- I use it in the parking lot too!!!!!

  3. Traffic in that storm sucked. People blow.

  4. I use my turn signal.
    I am not a douche.
    I have long assumed other drivers cannot read my mind, and my turn signal is my way of telling them what my intentions are. I might be fucking brilliant..
    But yeah, It’s THE LAW!

  5. Pingback: Texting And Driving | Beefy's House o' Fun

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