I Donut Give A Fuck

A little while ago my wife and I were at the grocery store picking up some things when we happened to come across the donuts. Deciding that we should get a couple for breakfast (since we’re trying to live a healthy lifestyle) we walked over to them.

This old lady (I use “old” in the context that dinosaurs roamed the earth a few days ago) cut us off before we could get to them, without acknowledging us. I mean, why acknowledge someone if you’re going to cut them off?

And then we watched as she began getting donuts, the kind we wanted, with her bare hands. After she took the last of the kind we wanted she then noticed us there and decided that she must make conversation.

She told us that yadda yadda nobodygivesafuck blah blah she’s gotta get a bunch for a car show. Now I’m thinking that at a car show there’s going to be more than a few people there. Old people fucking love car shows. Yet she didn’t grab all of the donuts they had, she only took about six or so. The last six of the type we wanted.

"Want me to finger your donut holes?"

“Want me to finger your donut holes?”

She then had the gall to tell us that the man behind the counter was making more. And then she left. I guess she assumed that WE didn’t have any fucking thing to do that day and waiting around for a half hour for fresh donuts was something we just couldn’t fucking wait to do.

We eyed the rest of the donuts, the shit that nobody else wanted either, and decided we’d go without. I wonder if the people who are going to be eating those donuts know she had her crusty hands all over them.

I hope it rains on her fucking car show. I’m sure it will, it looks as if it’s ready to storm outside. And I hope all of the cars are convertibles and all of their tops are down when it starts to rain. And I hope it’s a flash flood of a rain, and it doesn’t start sprinkling lightly at first.

And I hope she gets wet and catches pneumonia. I don’t want her to die from it, I just want her to know that what she did today was rude, and I want her to be bed ridden for a while so that she can think about what she did.

"Perhaps I should have been nicer to that young couple at the store. I think I have pneumonia."

“Perhaps I should have been nicer to that young couple at the store. I think I have pneumonia.”

Her actions are the reason I don’t have respect for old people just because they’re old. You gotta earn respect, grandma. Stop finger fucking all the donuts.

5 responses to “I Donut Give A Fuck

  1. She was such an old hag. :\ Good blog post, baby!

  2. Finger fucking! Aahahahahahahahahaha

  3. Finger fucked donuts by crusty old hands….EEW.

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