Well smack me with a salmon. I’ve been tagged. Twindaddy snuck up behind me, smacked me in the back of the head and laughed maniacally. I turned around to say “WTF?” and was literally going to say the letters instead of the words, but he was skipping away while still laughing. And since I’m a fat bastard I didn’t bother chasing him.
So here’s the deal. This is like if I had won an award only I didn’t win an award, but I still have a ton of shit to do. So here’s the rules.
1. Post these rules. (I’m fucking doing that!)
2. Post a photo of yourself and eleven random facts about you. (What’s with eleven? And why the stats? I’ve already done this to death.)
3. Answer the questions given to you in the tagger’s post.
4. Create eleven new questions and tag new people to answer them. (Ugh, of course.)
5. Go to their blog/twitter and let them know they have been tagged. (Maybe.)
It seems as if playing tag when I was a kid was a lot more fun than this and required less homework. Although it did involve running…
Here’s a picture of yours truly.
That’s actually a very good South Park rendition of me.
1. I once shook hands with Sgt. Slaughter.
2. I once danced with the devil in the pale moon light.
3. I’m currently cooking a Totino’s Supreme pizza for dinner. Yum.
4. I added mushrooms and hot pepper cheese to it. Extra yum.
5. I have two dogs. They’re both idiots.
6. The house I live in was built by my grandfather during the great depression. He paid the out of work people the best he could as well as fed them while they built the house.
7. I’ve been married three times, but only once. Figure that out.
8. I have no kids that I’m aware of. I might wind up on Maury one day.
9. Is this 11 yet?
11. I have the same last name as Jake “The Snake” but I’m not addicted to crack.
Now for Twindaddy’s questions to me…
1. Dogs shouldn’t snore. Why the hell is my dog snoring? It happens. My min-pin snores. It’s cute.
2. Describe the most embarrassing moment you ever endured. Probably when I shit myself. Luckily nobody witnessed it, but it still sucked. I was at work when it happened.
3. My butt’s numb from sitting here for so long. Wait, that’s not a question. You have a wedgie. Do you take care of immediately or wait until no one will notice you taking care of it? Take care of it, period.
4. A coworker has some nasty body odor. How do you address the situation? Spray them with cologne and ask them if they like it.
5. You just farted. You are relieved that it wasn’t loud but it quickly becomes apparent that it was SBD. Do you blame the dog? I claim all my farts.
6. You don’t have a dog. Who do you blame now? Again, I claim all of my farts.
7. Who’s the most hilarious blogger you follow besides me? Rob Simple.
8. Some dude’s fly is down. Do you do the considerate thing and tell him or are you too embarrassed to say anything because you’d have to admit you were looking at his junk? Tell him, just like I’d want someone to tell me if mine was down.
9. What is the funniest movie EVAR?? Ouch, this is tough. Grandma’s Boy is pretty damned funny. I’ve seen it a million times and still laugh.
11. If you could be any species in that galaxy far away, which would it be (yes, I’m referring to Star Wars)? Wookie.
Now 11 new questions for those who I pick to answer. Uh…
1. Creamy mac n cheese or powder mac n cheese?
2. Snow or rain?
3. Thick crust or thin crust pizza?
4. Hamburger or cheeseburger?
5. Unleaded or premium?
6. Beer or liquor?
7. Green grass or high tides?
8. Paper books or e-books?
9. Dog or cat?
10. Car or truck?
11. Fly or drive?
Yeah, I sped through that. And now for some people for me to tag. BWA. BWAHA.
That’s it, that’s all I know. Now, AWAY WITH YOU!