Dumbest Freeway Exit Ever?

[EDITOR’S NOTE: Twindaddy rules and has the first ever Unshitty™ Blog. Naturally I created the Unshity™ Blog Award, so I am the creator of Unshittiness™. He may have the first Unshitty™ Blog, but I am still his master. Oh, check out his Stuph Blog, full of interesting stuph. Even my own guest posts!]

Hello, my name is Twindaddy. I’m posting here on Beefy’s blog today because I lost a horrible, horrible bet. I got hosed.  Honestly, who would have guessed that the power would have gone out during the Superbowl? I thought I had that one in the bag.   I still say Beyoncé’s booty shaking rattled something loose in the power grid down there.  Oh, well.

This is me. I’m a happy fellow.

Since Beefy loves rants and posts many of his own, I figured for my post over here I’d go off on a tangent of my own.  When in Rome…

Hmmm…. I’m not quite sure that’s how it goes.

So I live in Cincinnati, currently.  My children’s mother lives in a suburb south of Cincinnati, which means I have to drive to go get them.  Driving around here sucks.  Actually, driving at all sucks.  But I digress.

Normally, and by normally I mean almost always, I pick them up directly from work.  And that means…RUSH HOUR!  I have to take I-275 to I-75 South to get to their mother’s house.  That means going through one of the most poorly designed, ill-conceived, and fucked up freeway exchanges ever made.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Cincinnati, I-275 is the bypass interstate that encircles the Cincinnati metro area.

Pilfered, as if you couldn’t tell, from the Coney Island website.  Kinda looks like the outline of a car, doesn’t it?  Well played, I-275.  Well played, indeed.

The exchange I’m referring to is at the very bottom of the loop, where both east and west-bound traffic converge to go south-bound.  In this filched image from Google Maps,  you can see a close-up of the exchange and why it’s so fucking idiotic.

We’ll start with the pretty, colorful lines I’ve drawn onto this stunning likeness I’ve recreated purloined image.  The red line follows the exit from I-275 East to I-75 South.  The pastel blue line is the exit from I-275 West to I-75 South.  And the green line is an exit from I-75 South to Donaldson Rd, which leads to the Greater Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky Airport.   All three exits converge into their own little three-lane highway.  It goes down to two lanes quickly as the lane furthest right is an exit-only lane for the west-bound exit for Donaldson Rd.  This partly three-lane, but mostly two-lane highway is separated from the interstate for about the next half mile.  Needless to say, this is a pretty busy little exchange.

So let’s analyze this exit, shall we?  All of the traffic from the red and blue merge onto this separate two lane highway and are trying to merge left.  All of the people coming from south-bound (or the green line) are trying to merge right so that they can get off on Donaldson Rd.

During most hours of the day, this is not a big deal.  There’s not a whole lot of traffic and, consequently, there’s no hazard to anybody.  Well, there is, but it’s minute.  Unless you’re one of those driver’s that really, really sucks you don’t have to worry about it.  Between 4PM to 6PM on Monday through Friday, however, this little exchange is a clusterfuck.  All three exits are backed the fuck up because at the point where all three exits converge it’s a no-holds-barred fight to get from the lane  you’re in to the lane you need to get to.  And I hate it.  Traffic can go from flowing nicely to a dead stop as fast as you can snap your fingers.  You know, if you could actually snap your fingers.  Oh,  you can?  Fuck off, then.  Rub it in why don’t you?

Seriously though, this is a very dangerous exit and there are copious amounts of accidents on this exit.  My ex-wife has been involved in two accidents on this very exit and both have totalled the vehicle she was driving.   Of course, she’s not the best driver, but neither are most of the people on the road.  In fact, most drivers are Forrest Gump to my Albert Einstein.  And I’m totally modest, too.

See what I mean?  She scares me.

And that’s why this exit needs to be redesigned, remodeled, or just blown the fuck up and started over again from scratch.  It’s just a perpetual accident waiting to happen that frequently always happens.

Whoever designed this exit needs to be bitch-slapped, force-fed beets, and have their ears raped by Nickelback songs.

So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light™, Mr. I-designed-a-shitty-interstate-exchange-exit-ramp-thingy.  And while you’re at it, crack open your skull and let all of your other shitty ideas spill out of your stunted cranium.

Just kidding. You’re no genius. Fucktard.

Other Unshittiness™ from Twindaddy:

• Beefy Dream
• Random Thought of the Day 12/4/2012
• My ups and downs with depression