There’s a website called DudeIWantThat.com where they showcase awesome products either for sale or prototypes or whatever. It started off as a great idea, and is still a pretty addictive site to get attached to.
They even have a submission form where if you, the average Joe, happens to come across something awesome online that they haven’t showcased yet, you can submit it to them to check out, and if they like it they’ll put it on their site and credit you with the find.
Their submission form is standard, but after you submit it, you get a message similar to this one…
“Thank you for your submission. You will hear back from us if we don’t think your submission is stupid. (Fat chance.)”
I just submitted something under a fake name just to get the message exact, but they changed it to something a little less asshole-ish.
“Your message has been delivered. We will respond to all grammatically correct emails.”
So we’ll see if my submission was stupid or grammatically correct. I submitted under the name “Guy” and mentioned this place, the San Alfonso del Mar Resort in Chile. They have the world’s largest swimming pool. Anyway, if you see that on DudeIWantThat.com, it was submitted by me.
Anyway, back on topic, I was just over at the site when I noticed their newest showcased item, Bone Cast Tattoo. I’ll give you a moment to let that sink in, because when I first read it, I had to do so twice.
This is a sticker you put on your cast to make it look like, basically, an x-ray of your bones through the cast. As if your cast has magical powers and can show everyone what your bones look like. Cool idea? Maybe, except it’s fucking stupid.
Just from a business standpoint, how is this a good product to market? How many people get casts? And how many of those people are going to have people signing shit to their casts with Sharpies? They don’t want some sticker in the way.
I mean seriously, how many casts are wrapped around broken appendages in the US every year? A few dozen? Maybe a hundred? Maybe a few thousand? In order to make money selling these things to make it worth the effort, unless the business is in somebody’s mother’s basement, they’d have to sell one of these to just about everybody who gets a cast, and that’s most likely not going to happen. Just sayin.
And, the shit costs up to $42 a piece! What if you’re in some terrible accident and you break every bone in your body? And you want to be cute and fill up all that blank space with a cartoon view of your skeletal system? You’d have to shell out near $420 to do so, provided the company has the entire skeletal system in stickers and there are ten of them. And these people don’t have that kind of money, they were just in a fucking accident for crying out loud. They’ve got medical bills and insurance premiums to pay, they don’t have a spare $420 for fucking stickers!
And that’s all a temporary tattoo is, a heat activated sticker. They just named it a tattoo because that makes things cooler, and God knows they need this idea to be cool because it has to pay off somehow.
I just noticed a perfume my wife has called “Tattoo” and I thought, “REALLY?!” There’s even a rum by Captain Morgans called “Tattoo”. The name has that edge, that appeal of a bad boy (or girl) who plays by their own rules and walks on the other side of the law. When in reality, it’s a fucking ink drawing shoved into your skin by a million pricks of a needle. You can’t wear it as perfume and you can’t drink it and get drunk off it. Sure you could drink the ink, but that wouldn’t get you drunk, but it might taste the same.
So products are being called “Tattoo” because it’s hip. Pretty soon there will be a cologne called “Tongue Piercing” and a douche called “Hipster”.
So I’m thinking, if I break something on my body that requires a cast, I’m not going to buy one of their fucking stickers. I’m going to hire a professional tattoo artist to come over and draw my shit on, like a REAL tattoo would be done, except without the needle cause I don’t think that’ll work on a cast. And it’ll be money well spent.
Is that what you want to showcase on your site, Dude I Want That? Stupid shit like this? Dude, I don’t fucking want that (yeah, I’ve been waiting to make that joke). And there are countless other things on your site (I say “countless” because I’m not going to fucking count them) that I don’t want. And you’ve turned down several of my serious submissions. San Alfonso was a serious submission too, but not submitted seriously.
In any case, I’ve been denied (and told that there was a fat chance they wouldn’t think my submission was stupid) multiple times for shit, but they put this crap up. Kind of reduces your credibility, at least with me. And hey, I’m a loyal visitor who has a mildly followed voice. I’m not saying you should have posted my crap, but it would have been better than this crap.
That’s kind of like the elections… voting for what crap is less crappy than the other crap.
I’m done here. I’m going to go break a bone so I can get a new tattoo. It’s been too long since I’ve had one done.