Past Dumbasses

I was just staring at the moon and wondered something. Back in the day people thought the Earth was flat. Yet they could easily look into the sky and see a round moon and sun.

It’s obvious that those people back in that time, were all complete fucking idiots. I bet those who were the geniuses, like Aristotle, Socrates and so on, weren’t actual geniuses, they were just the less stupid of everyone else.

Like Da Vinci. Da Vinci painted a woman with no eyebrows and he’s famous for doing so. Like a dumbass, he didn’t realize that women have eyebrows. Yet we celebrate his “achievements”. He designed a helicopter that didn’t fly. I did that shit in the first grade. It’s not something geniuses do, is what I’m saying.

I mean really, what did they “discover”? Gravity? Who the fuck discovers gravity? It’s not like discovering a mountain range that has never been discovered before, or a new planet in the sky (it would probably be flat too), no. Sir Isaac Newton is in the record books for discovering gravity. What a fucking moron.

How do you discover something that’s always there? That would be like discovering sunlight, years after the first person walked the earth. One day some asshole stops what he’s doing, looks up at the sky and is immediately blinded by the light he’s seen his entire life. Yet he’s happy. He discovered the sun’s rays!

No, not at all. Gravity was discovered by the very first being to take a step on this planet and not go flying off into space. Not Newton.

Besides, how do you discover gravity? What makes you suddenly think that things normally should go flying off into space when all you’ve ever known is the opposite?

Why would you one day just suddenly go “something fell to the ground, that means it normally isn’t supposed to! Something must have caused it to fall!” Yeah, it fucking fell, that’s what caused it to fall. But now he’s praised as being the guy who discovered the undiscoverable.

I now will discover something that doesn’t need to be discovered.

Water in its natural state is clear, right?


There is a chemical that nobody has ever known of before called strapminoleos that turns water, which is normally black, into clear! And then the strapminoleos instantly goes away leaving only clear H2O!

Don’t believe me? I swear it’s true! Where’s my adulation? I discovered something that didn’t need to be discovered because it’s not there… just like flying off into space isn’t there.

Sure, gravity does exist which naturally means it’s something that can be discovered, but water is clear, right? What makes it clear? Something has to make it clear. You can’t see gravity, but you can see its effects. Well, you can’t see what’s keeping water clear either, but you can (ahem) clearly see its effects.

So something makes water naturally clear. Sure it could be the two gases that form to make water that are clear, but what makes them clear?

Strapminoleos. A chemical that I just created… I mean discovered.

Even with all of the info that I don’t know, if I were living back in the day, I would’ve been the smartest mother fucker alive.

“What’s that? The earth is flat? Just kill yourself now, idiot.”

“What’s that? You discovered gravity? Wow, that apple must have hit you on the head harder than everyone thought. Idiot.”

I don’t think we should give these people praise anymore. Just because they discovered shit in their time doesn’t make them smart. As I said, it just makes them not as dumb as everyone else that lived when they did. That doesn’t mean they should be knighted, or should be praised or written about or studied.

One response to “Past Dumbasses

  1. Gravity’s a bitch.

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