WWE Raw 4/30/12

I didn’t notice too much that was interesting in this newest edition of Monday Night Raw, unless you count those things that were interesting for the wrong reasons.

For starters, they had a bit with Brock Lesnar “breaking” HHH’s arm. During the replay the announcers said “you can hear it pop”. I never heard it pop. But maybe they did hear it pop, even with those headphones they wear. In any case, unlikely. It’s just hype for Lesnar, or to put HHH out for a while. It’s probably his kid’s birthday or something.

And then there was a Time-Limit contest to see who would be the number one contender for the belt. Typically these can be interesting to watch, but not this time around. The premise is, the first match sets the time and the winner is up for the number one contender spot. The matches following it need to be won before the last time in order to count, and if they do finish before the last best time, the winner is then the number one contender unless someone else beats the time.

In the first match we had The Miz wrestle Santino which set a time of four minutes eighteen seconds. One of the two only really decent matches of the night, and even it was a mediocre spot fest.

The next match was Big Show versus Jericho. Nobody made mention of the fact that these guys were the dominating tag team just about a year ago or so and held the titles. Naturally the typical fan is supposed to just forget these little things.

This match had a horrible flaw at the end and the WWE did a horrible job covering it up. I may have watched this wrong, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t. Both of the wrestlers were outside the ring and the ref was in the middle of the ten count. Jericho jumped into the ring and the ref continued to count out Big Show. The qualifying time ended, ending the match. The horn sounded and it was over. The ref, on a count of eight, waved his hands around and called for the bell saying Jericho was the winner. The announcers mentioned that apparently, Jericho had won the match with a second left.

Never mind that the ref was only on a count of eight, and he reached it after the qualifying time was up.

When they came back from break, nobody said a thing about what happened, and The Miz was still the one with the best time. That ref should be fired, because he failed at his job.

The next match was a bullshit match that I fast forwarded through, between Kane and The Great Khali. Boring. The match didn’t end fast enough, so The Miz was still in charge.

The following match was Randy Orton versus Jack Swagger. Orton won the match with two seconds left and was the number one contender. This was the second decent match of the night.

The final match comes up and its Daniel Bryan, whom I can’t stand at all, versus a mystery opponent. Now, Daniel Bryan isn’t entertaining, nor is he enjoyable to watch perform. It has nothing to do with his status as a heel, nor does it have to do with his insanely horrible gimmick of screaming “YES!” over and over and over and over and over and over and over, it simply has to do with how uninteresting he is. Period. And for some unknown reason, the WWE feels the need to not only push this guy, but make him a champion. Up until recently he was the champion, and he’s nowhere near championship status.

But here he is again in line for a championship push. But I guess it all depends on who his opponent is, and if they can finish the match before the time is up.

His opponent, with all of the wrestlers they have in the back who don’t get to work on a regular basis, if ever, with all of the guys who deserve a shot at the title, turns out to be Jerry Lawler. Lawler, the Hall of Fame commentator, is his opponent. Not even a regular wrestler, and he’s almost retired. He’s a Hall of Famer for crying out loud.

Nothing against Lawler whatsoever, but it’s obvious this is going to be a job match where Lawler’s going to job to Bryan. And if he’s going to job to Bryan, Bryan’s going to have the best time and he’s going to be the number one contender. And I’ll be damned, I was right.

So now we have Daniel Bryan, who is not champion material, about to wrestle for the championship and will probably get it. Very interesting WWE, guess who doesn’t give much of a shit about your choices…

Other highlights of the evening include me fast forwarding through most everything else, including anything having to do with the WWE’s boring women’s division, anything involving the boring as fuck fat ass funk machine, whose name I will NEVER put to memory, anything involving The Great Khali, anything involving Lord Tensai, and anything involving R Truth.


Explain this shit to me. A couple weeks ago the tag champs, some guy and some other guy, wrestled a pair of wrestlers who beat them, but their belts weren’t on the line so they didn’t lose them. So last night when their belts WERE on the line, it wasn’t against those same wrestlers. Why is that?

Also, I didn’t mention the champs’ names because they’ve been pretty nonexistent for the last month or so and then all of a sudden they appear and they lose a match. And then, they lost again last night, losing their titles to none other than Kofi Kingston, a wrestler with a Jamaican name, Jamaican entrance song, and sporting gear covered in Jamaican colors and at one point was announced as coming from Jamaica but for some reason is now from Africa, yet he speaks with a perfect American accent, and R Truth, one guy I hate to watch wrestle.

So now, the Tag Team division continues to suck, because the WWE just paired up two wrestlers they have absolutely nothing for right now and gave them the tag titles. The chance that them holding the belts is going to reinvigorate the tag title scene is slim. Very slim. Basically, they just moved the belt around from nobodies occupying little to no TV time, to two other nobodies who will occupy just as much TV time. That’s why the belts changed hands on Raw instead of a PPV.

Finally, we end on a high note. And by “high note”, I mean “replay of things they constantly do”. Here’s something they constantly do. If a heel is in charge of one or both of the shows, the heel will, 100% of the time, put themselves in a match against one of the top face wrestlers at some point. Every heel GM has done this for, at the very least, the last ten years that I’ve been watching.

Last night was no different. John Cena found out his opponent at the next PPV will be John Laurinaitis, the current heel GM of both Raw and Smackdown. Great, something I don’t give a fuck to see. He announced this by jumping Cena and beating the hell out of him with hired help, Lord Tensai, who I’ve already announced my displeasure for.

I can’t help but yawn while I watch WWE product anymore. It’s all the same boring crap it’s been since the monopolizing of the wrestling industry by the power hungry McMahon family. Give me something new, or stop shoving your product down our throats. Do we really need that much WWE programming every month? Every week? I don’t think so. Not with as stale as it is.

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