Movie Review: Hammer of the Gods

If you look it up on IMDB it comes up as this, but the name of the movie as it said on TV and at the beginning during the opening credits is Thor: Hammer of the Gods. In all actuality, it should be just Hammer of the Gods, because you could have taken Thor out of it completely and it would’ve been just as good, if not better than it is with him in it.

No, this isn't the cover of the DVD box. There isn't one.

It’s true, there is no DVD for this movie. I did an extensive one time search online to find one, but one doesn’t exist, unless you go to Mexico and get a burned copy off of Jose for $3.50 American.

The reason I say it would have been better if Thor wasn’t in it is because the movie isn’t about Thor at all, and the guy they got to play Thor was none other than Zachary Ty Bryan. Yes, Brad Taylor on TV’s Home Improvement.

He was better as Brad Taylor.

This movie doesn’t even top his 1999 classic, True Heart, where he co-stars alongside a young Kirsten Dunst in another bad made for TV movie. But it was actually pretty good and I watched it all without wishing I hadn’t turned it on.

At least this movie made it to DVD.

Okay, so I was home sick and the Price is Right wasn’t on, so I had no better option at the time. But still, it wasn’t too bad. I’m sure if that Zach Ty Bryan saw this Zach Ty Bryan he’d kick his ass.

I found a review of the movie on IMDB and found it to be very close to what I wanted to say about the movie, and it’s written very well, so I’ll just share it instead. I don’t agree with his rating of the movie, though.

I didn’t have very high expectations for this movie. I was expecting something low budget but watchable, around the standard of ‘King Arthur’, ‘The Last Legion’, ‘Reign of Fire’ or a Uwe boll movie (if you have seen any of those?) or a feature length episode of Xena Warrior Princess… But even with such low expectations I was surprised by how bad this film is. It’s much worse than any of the above.

If you have ever seen a movie made by high school students. Which stars themselves and their friends running about in the woods and play fighting… Then you will have some idea of what to expect here. This is not just a cruel exaggeration it really is that bad. In fairness you might wonder where they got the money for a boat and a snow machine, but otherwise ‘school media project’ is about the standard we are talking here.

This movie is basically about a bunch of Vikings who sail to a distant land, which turns out to be inhabited by low budget werewolves. Don’t be fooled into thinking that the movie has any relevance to the Viking god Thor or actual mythology… It doesn’t. They just reused the name (presumably to add inaccuracy to the long list of flaws in this film).

The film has a distinctly amateur feel even by TV movie standards. At no point did I ever believe I was watching real Vikings. I’m not even sure if I was watching real actors since most of the lines are simply read aloud rather than acted. And half-heartedly forcing out a ‘ye’ or a ‘thou’ in a modern Liverpool accent didn’t add anything to believability.

The set is quite literally ‘the woods at the bottom of someone’s garden’ and most of the film takes place within 50 feet of an old shed, which we are supposed to believe is a village.

It’s difficult to find anything good to say about this movie. Some of the girls are nice looking I guess… that’s about it *shrug* You might want to watch this just to see how bad it really is, but most of it is boring and painful rather than amusing.

I normally reserve ratings of 1 and 2 for films where the sound and picture quality is so bad that the film is virtually unwatchable. This film doesn’t have those problems but I just can’t bring myself to give it a 3. Unless you are Todor Chapkanov’s parents, you aren’t going to be impressed by this.

That about sums it up. Thank you so much for that Smacki. However, I did find it to be a decent enough “made for TV movie” that had some issues but overall told a pretty good tale. The sword fights in the movie were pretty awesome, though. On the list of 100 Movies With Great Sword Fights, Hammer of the Gods ranks in at #1,376,427. However, there are some pretty grizzly deaths in the movie, so that has to account for something.

I’ll give this movie 4 out of 10 stars for the decent amount of blood alone.

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