Daily Archives: April 5, 2012

Awesome Animals: Killdeer

I’m not a bird watcher by any means, or even a big fan of birds, although I do find them to be a pretty cool animal. The one in particular that I like the most is the Killdeer.

For those of you who have never heard of the Killdeer, which is understandable, I’ll get into more detail about them. Chances are you’ve probably seen them and had no idea what they were. I didn’t actually know what a Killdeer was until I was 25 or so, even though I had seen them many times before.

Killdeer standing off against a mob of deer.

A Killdeer is an awesome bird that actually hangs out on the ground more than in the sky. They even lay their eggs on the ground, because quite frankly, they just don’t give a fuck.

And that, my friends, is why I like them enough to write a freakin’ blog piece about them. They just don’t give a fuck.

You see, a Killdeer is a good looking bird, looking almost like a small road runner, but even more so, their eggs are pretty cool looking, and the attitudes of these birds rocks.

Speaking of rocks, that’s how their eggs look. You see, if you’re going to lay your eggs on the ground, they have to look either like rocks or grass, so the birds opted for rocks because that’s how they roll.

Laying in a pile of rocks, these are almost invisible.

The most impressive thing about these birds is how they protect their eggs. If they see a predator coming a long, the Killdeer will act like it’s hurt with a broken wing, falling all over on the ground like a drunkard, flopping around and squawking as if it is injured. It will do this to lead the predator away from its nest. Once the predator is no longer a threat or is getting too close for comfort, the Killdeer then straightens itself out and flies away.

Now, the one thing you might be asking yourself, which I asked myself up until today, just why in the hell is it called a “Killdeer”? Some say it’s because of the call these birds make. However, after doing a bit of research I have discovered exactly why.

It’s because these birds can single-handedly take down a fully grown deer all on its own. Yes, the Killdeer is a psychopath.

This deer came within one mile of the Killdeer. You see what happened.

Don’t believe me? How many times have you seen a deer anywhere near a Killdeer? Exactly, you haven’t. That’s because deer are terrified of this small, innocent looking bird. And they should be. The Killdeer is the wolverine of the bird world. Never mind hawks and buzzards, the Killdeer’s are psycho.

Nobody knows where the Killdeer gets its homicidal rage from, or even why they hate deer so much. They leave most all other animals alone, but they really hate deer. My best guess is, one day many eons ago a deer was walking by a Killdeer’s home, saw a batch of freshly made cookies, and promptly stole one.

So remember, the next time you’re out and about and you see a Killdeer on the side of the road, do yourself a favor and do your best to not look like a deer, or the Killdeer will ruin your shit.

As far as the legitimacy of this info is concerned, don’t worry, you’re reading it on the internet, so of course it’s true.

Movie Review: Black Swan

My wife and I just recently watched Black Swan. If you’ve never seen it, but have heard about it from others who have seen it, you’ve probably heard two things said about it. It’s good and it’s weird.

Those two definitions of the movie aren’t far from the truth. It’s actually really good, but damn is it weird.

Natalie Portman is a ballerina who is trying out for the lead in Swan Lake. Mila Kunis is a ballerina who is also in Swan Lake. Vincent Cassel is a dude who directs Swan Lake and is a perv.

Natalie Portman’s mom is a psycho bitch who wants nothing more than for her daughter to be the very best. The mom was once also a ballerina. Everybody in the movie was or is a ballerina.

Natalie Portman goes crazy in the membrane while she’s dealing with being on top, because she gets the part. But that isn’t enough, and she continues to only get worse as the movie goes on.

If you’re a guy reading this and thinking how in the hell I could watch this movie and say it was good when it was all about a ton of ballerinas, just watch it. You’ll enjoy it, probably. It is actually very good.

The insanity inside Portman’s head is fucked up on every level. Mix in a little psycho-mom, a lesbian sex scene between Portman and Kunis, Portman finger-banging herself several times, drug use, a ton of explosions, thousands of deaths and Optimus Prime saving the day, you have yourself one awesome flick.

Optimus Prime makes even Ballet awesome.

This movie, however, is along the lines of Pink Floyd’s The Wall. Watching it while fucked up will only benefit you, so try and do that if you can. Drink a couple, smoke a couple, whatever your flavor may be, just indulge yourself first and then sit back and watch a pretty damn good movie. Never mind that it’s about ballet, the rest of the movie is just strange enough to pass this off as a decent flick.

I give this movie 7 of 10 stars because the lesbian sex scene is pretty awesome.