Death In 3D

I recently found out that one of the biggest movies of all time is about to be re-released in 3D. I’d love to say it’s Ghostbusters or Debbie Does Dallas, although those will probably happen since nothing is safe from it and there’s already porn in 3D (you’re welcome).

No, instead it’s Titanic, a movie that grossed over $600 million in the box office and held the title of the highest grossing movie of all time for twelve years until Avatar destroyed it. A movie that stayed in theaters a record breaking 15 weeks in first place at the box office and still has yet to be beat.

Didn’t they make enough money on it the first time it was out? Of course not. So now they’re going to re-release it and it will probably hang out in the theaters for another few weeks where it will rake in several more millions of dollars. It’s almost disgusting.

Almost. Until a friend of mine pointed out one very cool fact about this happening. We’ll get to see Leonardo DiCaprio die in 3D. Not to mention the hundreds of others who died when the ship sank. And of course that got me to thinking, death rocks in 3D.

That fact has been noticed by a lot of people over the years. Remember in the 1980s when a surge of horror movies popped up all in 3D? There’s a reason for that. People dying in 3D kicks ass. It’s like taking death to a whole new realm.

Personally, I couldn’t give a fuck less about Titanic being re-released. I sat through it twice, yes twice, and that was more than enough. Especially at three hours a pop. There was nothing, not even the death of Leonardo DiCaprio, that will make me want to see this movie again, 3D or not.

However, some other movies should come back out in 3D, like any war movie where thousands are being slaughtered on a war field, or any of the Rambo movies which is basically the same thing.

Actually, it all sucks. Any movie being re-released into theaters just to show it in 3D is nothing more than a move of greed. Put it out on DVD that way, but not in the theaters. It’ll still be a greedy move, but it won’t be helping to prove that Hollywood has no more ideas. Putting them in theaters is just sad. If they weren’t originally thought of as 3D, then they should stay 2D. Because let’s face it, 3D has been around for a very long time, since 1915 actually, so it isn’t like this is a new idea. It’s just a marketing ploy that happened to work to bring people back to the theater. So continue making new movies into 3D shit piles, but leave the non-3D movies in their 2D shells.

4 responses to “Death In 3D

  1. 3D sucks. The first half of Titanic sucks, too. From the time the ship hits the iceberg, that’s when the movie gets good. When it came out on VHS, it was two cassettes. I only watched the second one because it started right after the they hit the iceberg.

    • The only real redeeming quality of the first half is Billy Zane, but that’s just because he’s a God. Demon Knight anyone?

  2. 3D is the worst…for the money you pay for the glasses, ticket, and food you could actually go on a real cruise ship.

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