Drunken Rant: NASCAR Sucks

I’m so sick and tired of NASCAR. And I shouldn’t be. It never bothered me before, but within the last, maybe five to seven years, it’s gotten really big and I’m just done with it.

I never have been a fan of it, but before this recent surge in popularity I didn’t care that it was around. It was like when ice skating is on TV. When ice skating is on and I pass by it, I might stop for a few moments to check out how hot the chick is skating, and then I turn it to something with a little more explosions and death, like The Price Is Right.

The same goes for NASCAR. I’d pass by it and stop for a few moments to see if a wreck happened, since I was in the market for explosions and death. Then none would happen and I’d realize the rest of NASCAR pretty much sucks, so I’d change the channel to go find that painting guy on PBS and watch him make a hillside.

The worst part about NASCAR is, it’s on every Sunday. Sunday has been and always will be a football day. Not a fucking car driving day. When I turn on the TV during football season and expect to see a football game going on and instead I see a bunch of cars driving around in a circle a few hundred times, it makes me want to perform a root canal on myself.

First of all, I love how it’s considered a sport. And you know what? I’ll give it that. They have a points system, the guys who drive the cars are good at what they do and have to endure some crazy heat sitting in those cars for so long. And they can’t even pull over to piss if they have to go. For hours.

But at the same time, they’re driving cars. The difference between real sports and NASCAR is just that. I don’t play football, so I watch those athletes who do play it and I enjoy what they do. But in NASCAR, they’re driving cars. I drive my car. Therefore, I’m a NASCAR athlete.

Sure I don’t drive at hundreds of miles an hour around circles for hours on end, but I have better things to do. Plus, why would I want to watch a bunch of other people drive when I hate driving?

I used to love driving, until I had to do it around others. Dealing with other drivers sucks. Now, I hate it, and if I hate to do it, why would I want to watch it happening? I might as well grab a lawn chair, head down to my local major intersection, have a seat and just watch people drive. Same thing. I’m sure to see an accident, and with any luck I’ll see someone get hurt.

In football, if someone does something good, it can be amazing. A 70 yard touchdown pass with seconds left to win the game can be pretty amazing. In NASCAR, the only thing worth seeing are the wrecks. And the wrecks are when things go wrong. In football, things going wrong aren’t so much worth seeing usually, it’s when things go right that they’re fun to watch.

It’s like that in every sport but NASCAR. Why is that? Because NASCAR offers nothing else, other than cars driving in a circle for hours on end, and wrecks.

Personally, if I want to watch wrecks I’ll go to YouTube and watch wrecks. It won’t take hours for me to do it, and I’ll have 100% satisfaction.

I tell you, NASCAR is the worst thing to happen to Sunday’s since football season ended. Now, if they would just go back to their roots and start flying down country roads with trunks full of moon shine, I’d be all for it. But until then, get the fuck off of my TV. I have no desire to watch cars drive in a circle for hours. If I really wanted to see that, I’d rent a helicopter and fly over I-275 for a few. I’d be guaranteed to see more hillbillies having accidents that way.

2 responses to “Drunken Rant: NASCAR Sucks

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