The Sperm Shoe

I was perusing a Reader’s Digest while at work earlier and I came, ahem, across an ad for a new shoe to help you with your posture and possible bad back. Amidst everything on the page, my eyes automatically went to one thing and one thing only. The logo on the side of the shoe.

Yes, it’s a sperm. There’s really only one thing that looks like that, and it’s a sperm. Why, you might be wondering along with me, would anybody knowingly create a logo for a product that looks just like a sperm, especially considering that product has absolutely nothing to do with sex?

I can’t figure it out. What’s even more amazing is, they don’t just stop there. Take a look at the logo for the company.

Gravity Defyer, seems like a good name for a shoe, right? After all, the damn things are made with springs in the heels. But, in order for springs to work, there has to be some sort of force to go against their natural coil. And the only thing that could do that is gravity.

I know, I know, it’s just a name, and a catchy one at that. But damn, they can’t stop with the sperms, can they?!

The shoes sound great and all, and I’m sure they’re comfortable, but the idea has been there for quite some time. Take these for example…

Those are Nike Shox. They’re called that because they have springs in the heels that you can clearly see (those are actually just tubes of air, real original Nike). I’ve owned a pair of them before and you really cannot feel the springiness of them. While I haven’t owned a pair of Sperm Shoes, the video on their website clearly shoes a bouncy shoe, so for springiness, I’m going to have to say the Sperm Shoe outdoes the Shox. However, as I said, the idea is still there, and the Shox have been around for quite a while now, since 2001.

Let’s go back another ten years. Do you remember a big brand name shoe company called L.A. Gear? How could you forget, right? They were the shoes to wear in the 1980s, and rumor has it they’re going to be making a comeback. Yay?

Anyway, aside from their flashing soles, they were known for another type of shoe, called the Catapult. The Catapult had a built in, well, catapult in the heel, that would give you an extra spring with every step you took. Here, watch this.

So the Sperm Shoe isn’t a new idea, nor is it a new shoe, but it looks like even with them you’ll be getting a bigger spring with each step than with the Catapult. Maybe if L.A. Gear would have given us a bigger spring with the Catapult, they’d still be a highly sought after shoe, instead of a blast from the past.

With all that said, I hope the Sperm Shoe can do what the others haven’t, and that’s offer some real bounce with each step. Not that I’ll ever own a pair, but so far, all of the efforts of having a springy shoe have been for not. Sperm Shoe, you got some… big feet to fill… bwa… bwahaha…

3 responses to “The Sperm Shoe

  1. “I was perusing a Reader’s Digest while at work earlier and I came, ahem, across an ad for a new shoe to help you with your posture and possible bad back.”

    Pun intended, I presume.

  2. You presume correctly.

  3. Pingback: My Direct Effect | Beefy's House o' Fun

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