While watching football today I saw a number of commercials that are really starting to piss me the fuck off. Twindaddy already bitched about the one series of commercials, the Southwest Airlines airport referee commercials. So help me if I ever find myself in the presence of the head of that company, I’m killing him.
Another set of commercials that’s pissing me off is the trend around this time of year, every year, of car commercials showing off people giving cars as gifts. People don’t fucking do that. Ever. Unless it’s a wealthy dad giving his sixteen year old kid a car for their birthday, the shit doesn’t happen. Boyfriends and husbands don’t buy their significant others cars for fucking X-mas. Sure, it might happen once in a blue moon, but it doesn’t happen as often as these commercials are suggesting it does.
There’s now a car commercial going on where some black guy buys his wife a new car for X-mas and she’s all excited until this other car drives down the road slowly past their house and she stares at it while it goes by. The man tries to get her attention but she’s all about that other car.
You know what? Fuck you bitch. This shit happened with TWO different couples. If I bought my wife a new car for any reason and another car drove by at the exact moment I revealed the car to her and she was more interested in it than the one I bought her, I’m punching her in the face. And then I’m leaving her. *Note to my wife, this is a warning*
If you reversed the roles and the two black wives bought their husbands a car and he did that shit, seriously, you know what the fuck would happen. It wouldn’t be allowed on free TV. So what the fuck are they doing showing weak ass men getting treated this way? Fuck Buick for their shitty commercial. Import your ass back to Detroit and quit making men look like tools. Assholes.
And all of you, STOP showing people giving cars as gifts. This economy sucks, people have no fucking jobs and no fucking money and a lot of us don’t even have a place to live. And you’re showing people giving twenty and thirty thousand dollar cars as fucking gifts. Do you know the kind of pressure that puts on the rest of us to get our loved ones the best we can while just trying to survive in this shitty ass economy? Just so we don’t look like assholes when compared to your fuckass commercials? Fuck you and your shit.
Another commercial that’s REALLY pissing me the fuck off is the rest of them. Fuck them all. I’ve about had it with cars, cars, cars, McDonald’s, cars, credit cards, Southwest Airlines, cars, jewelry stores (an extra special FUCK YOU to Jared and Kay Jewelers), cars and a big MEGAFUCK to all of you motherfuckers trying to make me feel bad for a bunch of sick animals and kids. You have no souls and I hope your children all die from some nasty heart condition.
Finally, FUCK YOU to every cell phone company in existence. Verizon is currently at the top of the list. If I never see another Verizon commercial again, I will personally go to the top of the Carew Tower in downtown Cincinnati, stand on the very edge of the building, and jerk myself off over the entire public. That’s how fucking happy I would be if Verizon Wireless would just GO THE FUCK AWAY.
Fuck you all, I’m so god damned done with TV.