The question has been asked to me many times in the last couple of weeks. “Hey Beefy, what does one do after writing the greatest novel in the history of the written language?”
I really never have an answer for them because so far, I haven’t found anything good to do. To give all of you an answer, here’s a list of the things I’ve done since finishing Hand One Is Dealt, which will be coming to you soon via every major national and international publishing company in the world (that’s how good it is, every publishing company will have the rights to publish it at the same time).
The first thing I did was I went to Butan. Bhutan. Butane. I don’t know, I didn’t stay long enough to actually remember how to spell it. My spell checker tells me Bhutan is correct, so I’ll go with that.
The place sucked. The people were all assholes and I felt like I was sitting in a giant toilet filled with fecal matter and I was just praying that somebody would flush the fucking thing already, but nobody ever did.
I pulled two grappling hooks out of my Beefy Belt (I need to use two cause I’m fat) and I pulled myself out of the muck, and then I promptly caught the next flight out of there.
The second part of my journey found me in Paris, the Mexico City of Europe. There I found nothing but a bunch of angry assholes who wished they could be from another country but couldn’t, so they treated everyone else like shit because they realized they were doomed to be French the rest of their lives. And I got a raging bout of diarrhea. Thanks for the cheese, assholes.
I left Paris feeling like somebody had raped me in the ass with a foreigner, so I traveled to Amsterdam. I’d say if I had a wonderful time or not if I could remember the trip. What I do remember is a lot of red lights, a lot of Filipino hookers and a five pound bag of mushrooms.
I think I came back home following that trip, and when I did I sat at my computer and decided to pound this out just to say “Hi, I’m back” but nobody knew I was gone. I’m not even sure if I knew. All I do know is, the world is full of dumbasses and I hate going to anywhere.
So, what does one do when they finish writing the greatest great that has ever been great? Well, nothing really. I twiddle my thumbs a lot. I come here to the blog and think, what could I write about, and nothing comes out. I could sit in front of my TV and stare at the home page of my Xbox 360, wondering if I should Netflix something or play a game, but I don’t. I just stare at the screen for ten minutes and then turn everything off.
Really, there’s nothing to be done after writing a book that will only be surpassed by my next book, Skinner, which I started writing.
Oh yeah, I started writing a new book. THAT’S what one does. Plus I started a new site for my Author type stuff, stop on by if you’re ever bored enough. Official Matt Roberts Site.