As my blog hits 1,718 visits, I thought I’d take a look back at some of the awesome moments that has captivated my readers and my own life.
The first thing I remember is being shipped over to ‘Nam. Wow, what a crazy time that was. It rained so much. At times it came from above, sometimes it came from the sides. Other times it seemed as if the rain was coming straight up from the ground.
They dropped napalm on us. That sucked. I had to run back into the jungle to get several of my brothers in arms, my comrades. I know they’d do the same for me. Luckily, we didn’t get any napalm on us and we all survived. Well, except for all of them other than me.
I sure will miss those guys.
When I got back to the States, I was honored by being able to tell my story to thousands at the Washington Monument. I’ve never spoken to a large group of people before, especially with microphones. I expected my voice to be louder than it was. But, they cheered, so I guess they liked what I said.
That was a great moment anyway, because I was reunited with the love of my life. A sexy, drug using hippie who looked great in a wet dress. Ah, those were the times.
After a few reposts of old Editorials, I got to go back to college, paid for, of course, by the military for my years of service. I played football while in college and did rather well. Sometimes I’d run so fast so far that they had to hold up signs telling me to stop! Oh, what fun! I don’t know what got into me, but I just couldn’t stop running.
That tradition carried on with me the rest of my life, you know. I love to run. After college I ran so much that some would say I covered the length of the United States multiple times! Can you imagine? Man, I would have grown a long beard and been ultra fit if I had done that!
While I was doing all of my running I thought up an idea to do something that was a new challenge to me. When I got home I put it all into action and became the owner/operator of my very own shrimp catching operation! Mmm, shrimp!
An old friend of mine from back in the ‘Nam days told me multiple ways to make and eat shrimp, and they all sounded so tasty! I simply must try them! God rest his soul, he was such a nice man, and a good brother. If I do it for any other reason, I’ll do it for him.
Oh man, so many good memories! Like this other time I was in New York. I think my hippie girlfriend from Washington had slipped something in my soda, because I swear I saw a giant turtle walking through the subway! He had a mask on and he was kicking the shit out of these skinny guys dressed all in black. Man, no wonder everybody loves New York! David Letterman, giant walking turtles, that incident with that Class Five full roaming vapor in the lobby of the hotel where I was staying. Oh, the mess THAT thing made.
And then there was that time I was flying over these mountains with two of my buddies when all of a sudden the pilots jumped out of the plane! I couldn’t believe it! They did that without telling us the plane was going down! What a bunch of assholes.
We only survived by jumping out of the plane on an inflatable raft and plummeting hundreds of feet down snowy hills and eventually landing in a river. It seems so unlikely, I know, but it was a trip! Eventually we found what we were looking for, some really cool glowing rocks, and a few hundred slave labor kids. Man, West Virginia is a strange place.
After we helped those kids get back to their families and we gave the families those glowing rocks as gifts, we had a huge problem with these backwoods inbred bastards who were trying to eat us. We didn’t care much for being eaten, so we left West Virginia and headed home.
Yeah, those are some good bloggin’ memories. I could have written so much more if only I had the time on my trip. After all of that, we decided to settle down in a cabin in the woods for a rest. That rest was short lived when we were attacked by a freakin’ bear with a bald head! I shot him in the ass with a lamp and he left us alone. Now he’s bald on his butt too! HA!
I’d write more about my time blogging here, but I must go. Because of my love for running I’ve been given a new task. Someone handed me a ring and said I have to take it to a volcano to toss it in. I’m not sure how long it will take me, but I’m up for it. I do love a good adventure! Now if only I can find a volcano somewhere in the United States. I mean, I don’t have a passport. I hope that doesn’t bite me in the ass, like that lamp bit that bear in the ass! HA!
Yes, it’s been a wonderful time for the first 1,718 visits to my blog. I have many fond memories and I’m sure many more to come. Here’s to the next 1,718!