Editorial Archives: Shut The Fuck Up Now Is The New Please Shut The Fuck Up

Shut The Fuck Up Now Is The New Please Shut The Fuck Up
February 24, 2007

I’m so fucking sick of hearing this new shitty catch phrase “something is the new something”. For instance, a guy I work with was talking about his age and came up with this enigma, “50 is the new 30”.

For any of you that think that way, or subject yourself to saying these idiotic catch phrases that pop up once every couple of months, I want to enlighten you a little bit. If you’re fifty years old you can say you’re a different age all you want. That doesn’t change the fact that you’re still fifty years old. You can FEEL younger, but you’re actually still fifty. And now you’re also a fucking idiot.

“Skim milk is the new 2 percent.” Yeah, I heard this once. Why are we all imagining things are different than what they actually are? Have we all turned 4 years old again? I mean, have all of you turned 4 again?

When I was a kid I used to love the cartoon “Pop-eye”. I always wanted to be like him, but I literally threw up when I tasted cooked spinach. So when I would eat dinner with my mom and dad, I would tell them that I was pretending there was spinach on my dinner so that I could be like Pop-eye. I was 4 or 5 years old then. That was also the last time I imagined something was something else.

Now we have a nation of people that keep calling things “the new” something else. Is that because they’re scared to hear the truth? Obviously, since our country is run on lies. So why shouldn’t we blatantly lie to ourselves and others everyday?

Stop the shit. For the sake of humanity, although it’s already fucked, please just stop. Nothing is the new nothing. Give it up. If you’re a certain age, you’re that fucking age. If you drink a certain drink, it’s that drink, not another drink. If you eat a certain food, it’s that food, not something else. Just STOP.

Furthermore, if you hear someone say something catchy, let it go. Don’t repeat it to everyone you know so much that they can’t help saying it all the time as well, thus spreading the disease of stupidity. Just don’t do it. Not only is it annoying to those of us that have the ability to think for ourselves and not be a society drone, but it’s dumbing down society even more than it is everytime you do it.

And society can’t get much dumber. Society’s favorite celebrity death wasn’t that of a true athlete superstar that overcame many odds to compete in the Olympics and win many medals, such as Willye White. No, society would rather hear about Anna Nicole Smith; a woman that gained celebrity status by being a stupid whore. The fact that she became a celebrity is proof enough that society is a bunch of idiots. The fact that her death made the news and continues to make the news more than an actual role model, proves that society is a bunch of idiots. You continuing to use an idiotic catch phrase… priceless.

I hate society, Anna Nicole Smith deserved to die, and you’re a fucking idiot.

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