Editorial Archives: Let’s Celebrate Ignorance Again

Let’s Celebrate Ignorance Again
June 25, 2007

I’ve noticed a trend starting to occur, and it made me realize the yuppies of the world have gotten their hands into things once again.

The newest “craze” over a coffee drink is “iced coffee”. We have not only showed that we were idiots in the past, but that we will continue to be idiots into the distant future.

I say this because coffee as we know it as hot has been around since the 9th century while iced coffee has only been around since earlier this century. That’s a span of 11 centuries (1,119 years to be exact) of us having a product such as hot coffee and not thinking to try it cold.

Sure this sucks. We were too stupid to not drink something before it cooled off. But there is a good point to come from this. The years that span those two times in coffee history go from 801 AD to 1920 AD. Nothing significant happened in that time anyway except the Dark Ages, the Civil War, the sinking of the Titanic, the Black Plague and the Great Depression. It’s obvious that our ancestors weren’t exactly on top of things all the way around.

However, the timeline for coffee taken in different forms didn’t really get heavily started until the Italian decided to give us “espresso”. From there we got cappuccino in roughly the 1940’s. Fast forward 50 years (thanks to our progressions here in America) and we have Starbucks to thank for bringing this shit to us. Suddenly, every yuppie in this country shit a brick of delight and started walking around town all the time holding tightly to their large cups of Starbucks coffee (label out). In this day and age, you can’t be the top yuppie unless you drink Starbucks.

Iced Cappuccino found itself in the market place and very shortly after we FINALLY got around to adding iced coffee to the list of upscale socially acceptable items. Not only did we rush towards a better, stronger coffee in cappuccino’s and THEN in energy drinks (don’t get me fucking started), but we set ourselves back a pace by bringing iced coffee into the spotlight a short 80 years after some genius forgot he had coffee for over an hour and decided to drink it anyway.

Nothing gets past you savvy, yuppitie fucks, does it? Pretty soon we’ll be finding ways to live like nomads by eating nothing but meat and calling it a diet, since we’re leaping into the future face first.

I hate coffee.

2 responses to “Editorial Archives: Let’s Celebrate Ignorance Again

  1. I like coffee, but I hate Starbucks. The idea of paying 5 bucks for a cup of coffee when I can go to Wal-Mart and buy a whole fucking can of coffee for the same price disgusts me.

    When you go in there there are a bunch of people just reading the newspaper or on laptops….just sitting there. When you see these people you just get the idea that something is wrong with them, but you can’t exactly put your finger on what precisely their problem is.

    Kinda like the people who go to the book store and read. You’re supposed to buy the book at the store, then go somewhere else and read it. Idiots.

    Dammit, now I’m aggravated.

  2. Welcome to my world.

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