I Choose No

I’m now taking valuable time away from writing a novel in a month’s time to bitch.

I’m so fucking sick and tired of everything and everybody telling me what to do. For years Coke has told me to enjoy it. I say no. I mean, I do, but fuck them for telling me to.

I pass by restaurants all the time that have their marquees dazzled with the awesome sayings of, “Try a Big Boy” or “Stop in now for a value meal.” No, fuck you.

I was just on Facebook and saw something that for the longest time has been pissing me off. That little box on the right side of the screen that shows one of my friends who is new to Facebook and it says “Help them find friends.”

Why the hell would I want to do that? As if I have nothing better to do with my time, I’m supposed to do something that not only they can do on their own, but Facebook does on a regular basis. What the fuck? Facebook has that option, “People You May Know” and they list thousands of people on Facebook that all live within a thousand mile radius of you. And the only way to get rid of them permanently is to block them. You can’t expect them to go away forever if you click on the little X, right? Of course not. They’ll go away then, but tomorrow they’ll be back.

Yeah, I saw the suggestion once already Facebook, and I didn’t choose to friend them then, so what makes you think I’m going to friend them now?

If these new people to Facebook can’t find their friends there, what the fuck am I supposed to do to help? I choose NO.

I also just recently signed in to Gmail to check my massive amount of email from people I don’t give a fuck less about, like Pizza Hut and Chipotle telling me to try some of their products that, guess what, I ALREADY FUCKING KNOW ABOUT. However, down at the bottom of the screen on the right is a little message that says “Switch to the new look” with an X next to it so I can close the message.

For one, I don’t want to switch to the new look that I know will become the only look in about a month, so I have no choice in what I want to see, which by the way is the current look that I’m already familiar with. There’s no need to switch things up. At all. I’m used to this look, and it’s worked for me just great all of this time.

However, I clicked the little X to get rid of the message. This was the third time I’ve done that, because every time I login, THERE IT FUCKING IS AGAIN. I choose NO.

And then when I logged out and saw this.

What the fuck? Don’t tell me to join now. Who the fuck are you to assume that’s the way I like to be talked to? Nobody, billion dollar corporations or mom-and-pop-shops, are allowed to speak to me that way. That’s the rudest form of rude. They don’t try to butter me up first, sweet talk me, or even give me any reason why I should. Just “Join Now”. That’s all their product is worth. Two words.

So fuck you Google, for your fucking social network that sucks just like your last attempt. How’d that go for you, by the way?

I’m not joining now. I’m not even going to consider it. One social networking site is more than enough and I’m ready to leave it because of all of the bullshit they keep adding. When will it ever be enough? When will someone put out a product and say, “This is it, nothing can be better.”? Never, that’s when. Unfortunately my PHP isn’t up to par like it should be, or I’d create my own and fuck all the rest. And it would be the best, because when it was done, it would BE DONE.

And to get people to join, I wouldn’t have an ad that said “Join Now”. No, it would say something like “Hey, you’re looking swell today. I bet you hear that a lot. Well, you’ll hear a lot more of it if you join this site, which you don’t have to do, the option is yours. We’re just throwing it out there. Stay beautiful.”

That’s because I’m not a pretentious fuck who couldn’t give a shit less about the people using my product, like these other sites. Also, if I made a social networking site, you wouldn’t be able to access it by any other site. Otherwise, what’s the fucking point of even being apart of it? Much to my own dismay, I’m now apart of THREE social networking sites. As I said, I’m ready to leave Facebook because of the bullshit, but a friend sucker punched me into joining Twitter and my wife managed to get me to join Tumblr. All three of those sites allow you to post what you post on their site to the other two sites.

What’s the point? If they’re making it easy for you to communicate to the masses on all three sites, then why do you have to be apart of all three of them?

So to all of this, I choose NO. No, I’m not going to join your fucking site, no I’m not going to stop in for your fucking value menu, no I’m not going to enjoy your soda, and NO, NO FUCKING NO I’m not going to try anything. I have a mind and I will use it to make these decisions for myself. If your PR people can’t come up with a better way to get people to try your shit other than by making a horrible attempt at a Jedi mind trick, then I don’t want any part of it. That’s why this country is full of people who all think being nice is a thing of the past and manners can only be found in a history book.

Try using honey next time fuckers, it catches more flies. Until then, I CHOOSE NO.

5 responses to “I Choose No

  1. I agree with everything except the sucker punch. Because I just explained the benefits, I was not trying to make you join. I know nobody makes a Beefstick do something he doesn’t want. Unless it’s a hot chick saying “Do me baby.” Then…

  2. I just ignore all of that shit. Life’s too short to be pissed about it all, even though it’s all stupid.

  3. That’s my downfall, sadly. I can’t ignore it. And I know my life would be so much better if I could just do that one thing, but I can’t. It’s something I really have to work on, because this shit really gets me pissed off and I know it shouldn’t.

  4. Well, it’s just the same as ignoring a commercial. I do fine ignoring those except for the really….really dumb ones. Those piss me off because supposedly people in advertising have gone to college and make commercials that make absolutely no fucking sense.

    Intelligent people shouldn’t be making commercials so dumb.

  5. HAHAHA

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