Bitching

There have been some things lately that have been pissing me off and I just had to get some of them out before I have an aneurysm and die a painful but welcomed death.

The first thing is, merging lanes. Not all of them, just a couple in particular. Recently, I-275, the circular highway that goes around the Greater Cincinnati area, was finally finished of a seemingly decade-long reconstruction project (the actual length of time was the better part of a decade) and now it’s all back to mostly normal. Aside from the reason it was done, which can’t really be visually seen in the final product, there are just a couple of little things that were changed from how it used to be.

The biggest of which, in my opinion and displeasure, is the changing of paint. You see, on a couple of the on-ramps, or exchanges, the paint on the road changed. These ramps/exchanges have two lanes, but merge into one before merging onto the next highway. The dotted lines that separate the two lanes are the same, of course, but the paint at the end of them has changed and is now on the opposite side of where it used to be.

Towards the merging area, in the left lane, it now says, “Lane Ends Merge Right”. It used to be in the right lane with a similar saying, “Lane Ends Merge Left”. To most of you this might not be a problem, and I’m sure this is one of those reasons why I need the medication I take. It’s not really working, but I do need it.

In this country, we drive on the right side of the road. Our highways, for the most part, are accessible from the right side. In some cases it is different, but overall, the majority of our on-ramps get you onto the highway from the right side. Likewise, the majority of the off-ramps are the same way. This is just for efficiency, for the most part. The highway takes up less space that way.

The ramps I’m talking about are both really exchanges, taking you from 275 to another highway, and both of them drop you off at your destination on the right side of the road. What this means is, you will be merging TO THE LEFT to get on the highway. So why would you leave the highway you were on and merge right, to merge left a short distance later? Shouldn’t you merge left? Otherwise it’s like the exchange is taking you away from, and then to your destination. Like it can’t make up its mind.

The constant flow would easily have to be merge left and then, merge left. The feng shui would be complete. And let me say, as I’m typing this, my head just literally started hurting in the back, and I felt, for just a moment, that a blood vessel was about to explode and kill me instantly. This really happened. Because of this insane shit. This is what I deal with on a regular basis. This is my life.

Making the lane merge to the right and then to the left is just so fucking stupid. It’s like they began making the ramp, realized they had made the slight curve it takes you on a little too wide, so they had to bring it back to the right a little bit and we have to deal with their fuck up that was remedied with a band aid instead of fixing it the right way the first time. But that would have put them over budget.

Instead, to save money, they merged the traffic to the wrong fucking lane. We’re looking at a difference of a few million dollars to fix the problem, to the $49 they spent on a new stencil that said “Right” instead of the one they had been using since highways were created in the mid-fifties that says, “Left”.

The only problem is, I see the truth. The ramp itself doesn’t appear to be messed up. It doesn’t appear that the left lane actually ends but the right lane continues. It just looks like the ramp shrinks in size, like a giant bottleneck. Therefore, they could have painted the right side of the road with the right merging warning and there wouldn’t be a problem.

So what actually happened was, someone decided to have the left lanes be the ones that ended. There may have even been a committee give a vote on it. Either way, some jackass decided that the left lane should be the one to end. They decided to fuck up the way things have gone for six decades just to be what, different? Who needs different? Just fucking do it like it should be done and move on with your life.

I can’t believe this shit, and I actually try to take different routes just so I don’t have to see this shit. This is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen, and it’s no surprise that it’s an invention of my fellow man. The dumbest fucking mammals on earth.

That was the one thing that has been pissing me off the most recently… until tonight.

Tonight I was on my way to pick my wife up from work. It was dark out already and just as I was getting off of ANOTHER highway, one with regular fucking ramps, a motorcycle pulled up behind me. I noticed the guy right away because his headlight was one of those annoying fucking LED lights that a lot of cars have now days.

So this asshole is riding behind me for roughly 5 miles with his unnecessarily bright headlight shining into my car, lighting it up like it was fucking noon. The only other time lights are that bright on me is when the person behind me either has their brights on or they’re driving a truck where the headlights are positioned at eye level. Or, they’re fucking LED.

At one point the light ahead turned yellow, so I sped up to get through it and away from him. He sped up too. First strike.

I got to the road where I had to turn and this fucker turned too. Second strike.

The entire time I’m going up the road I’m fucking with my rear view mirror to switch it to the bright light setting only to find out it doesn’t have one. What the fuck? When did they start doing this shit?

So I’m going down the road waiting for this fucker to make his third strike so I could pull over and smash his headlight out with his teeth (if I didn’t have a strike system synonymous to baseball’s, I’d be in prison), ducking and moving around in my car so his lights aren’t reflecting into mine. Finally I got to where I was heading and he didn’t follow me. I was hoping he did because, you guessed it. Strike three, fucker.

The worst part of the whole thing was, this was a typical motorcycle headlight. It flickered every time he hit a bump. So not only was his bright ass annoying LED headlight haloing my car with a radiance that made me think I was being abducted by ET, but it was flashing constantly, like a strobe light. If my blindness from his light wasn’t going to make me crash, the epileptic seizure I almost had would’ve done it. And the worst part is, I’d be dead at the bottom of a ravine and he’d still be alive, driving down the road not giving a shit that I was out of his self-important-ass way. I knew he was behind me, but I kept thinking I was being pulled over. The baby blue light flashing all around me was about to give me a nervous breakdown, which was another outcome that I was previously unaware of that was going to lead to my death.

What’s the fucking point of LED lights? They last longer? They don’t fade the older they get? You can see more? I say bullshit and who gives a flying fuck to all of them but the last one. The last one I’ll buy into because these lights are too fucking bright. You’d have to be able to see better with them, they’re like riding around with your high beams on.

I can’t stand fuckers who have these lights. They might be cool for you, but they’re blinding the shit out of everybody else on the road. Get over yourself dick, you’re not that important.

I now firmly believe that anybody using these lights is an asshole. I don’t give a fuck who you are or what you do in your life or how you treat other people. If you continue to blind the shit out of drivers at night on purpose, just so you can see a couple more feet in front of you, you’re an asshole.

If I bought a new car and it came with those lights, I’d change them. As much as I hate everybody else, I really do try not to be an asshole to others. Because I do believe in “do unto others…” even though I am not religious in any way. The golden rule is something I TRY to live by. And for a country that is run by religion, where there is a new church popping up on corners all over the place, all the time, the people of this country live like everybody else owes them something and should recognize who they are instead of thinking of others and treating others with a little bit of fucking respect.

Fuck all of you who even remotely think you’re better than everybody else. And if your blind ass can’t see at night, don’t fucking drive at night. Leave your blinding fucking lights at home.

Now, I wish I could say I feel better, but… actually I do. One good thing did happen today. I saw on the news that a train derailed in Illinois and blew up. I don’t know if anybody died, but in my head thousands did, and that makes me happy.

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