I saw my therapist this morning and we went over some things. Mostly the fact that everything pisses me off. I almost go out of my way to get pissed of at every little, insignificant, unimportant thing. It takes a lot of energy to do that, which is why I’m always wore out when I’ve really done nothing. Except bitch about stuff that I can’t change.
I know it’s insane, and for the most part I am as well, but I really do want to change. Because I don’t enjoy being pissed off at everything, all the time, in all reality. I mean, I can’t imagine my life without bitching at stuff, and I’m sure to some degree it will always be apart of who I am, but some of the things that piss me off really shouldn’t piss me off.
It’s not so much that these tiny little things piss me off, it’s that it stays with me. I don’t just get pissed and move on, I carry it with me all day long. All of those assholes who change lanes or make turns without their turn signals. All of those assholes who run red lights, because where they’re going is so much more important than where everybody else who stops at red lights is going. All of those assholes who don’t do anything in particular but I can still find something about them to bitch about.
All of these things I need to change. I can’t be pissed that people don’t use their turn signals, possibly one of the easiest things anybody could be asked to do. I can’t be pissed because someone in front of me made a turn and either didn’t use their signal or they turned it on halfway through their turn. No shit, you’re turning? I couldn’t tell by the sudden change in direction your car made. Thanks for updating me on your status after the fact.
All of these things I can’t change and really I shouldn’t be pissed at those things I can’t change. I know this, but so far I’ve had a problem making the change. I mean, I’m hard wired to bitch. It’s how I grew up. It’s how I was raised. It’s how I’ve been molded, so to speak.
So what did she, my therapist or my “anti-suicide-chick” as I like to call her suggest I do to fix this? Change my thought process. And to do that, she suggested when something pisses me off, try to find something positive about it, no matter what it is. Someone in front of me on the road do something fucking stupid? Find the color of their car nice. Someone say something stupid? Like the shirt they have on.
This is going to be interesting to say the least. Because I already know, and I laughed when she mentioned this because I knew right away, that I’m going to have fun with this, and that’s a good thing. Whatever helps me, as the Doors put it, break on through to the other side.
So on my way home (I didn’t get on the highway, I wasn’t ready for that kind of challenge) something happened and I tried this new thought process thing out. A man pulled up next to me at a red light. I knew right away that he was going to speed off as soon as the light turned green and cut over in front of me, because once again where he had to go was so much more important than where anybody else had to go. And I was right, yet again.
The light turned green and he took off, cutting over in front of me without using his turn signal. And you know what? All the way down the road I was right behind him. By doing what he did, he must’ve cut off a good 4, maybe even 5 seconds from his travel time. Good for him. But that positive thing I thought about as he did this retarded bullshit? At least he’ll die one day. And that, my friends, made me happy.
Looks like this could work out.