What Could He Be Thinking?
June 20, 2005
Have you had the pleasure, and by pleasure I mean total and absolute wretching pain, of watching The Jane Pauley Show? I know I have.
First, let me talk about how much she sucks. Nah, that pretty much covers itself.
Here’s what made me want to write this. I happened to be looking at a TV that had the show on the other day and she had this guy on that wrote a book. Jane was interviewing the guy, and diving more into his book, and had people on to test this guys theories.
The problem here is, the guy was Michael Gurian. He’s more of a pedophile than Michael Jackson could ever dream of being. Yeah, he’s on the level of a Catholic Priest.
First of all, the book he wrote that got him on the prestigeous Jane Pauley Show, was What Could He Be Thinking?: How a Man’s Mind Really Works. That link takes you to the Amazon page where you can order the book. You shouldn’t order the book, but while you’re on the page, scroll down to see the Better Together section and check out his other book it’s offered with in that package.
“The Wonder Of Boys”
What the fuck? The Wonder Of Boys?! Put that together with What Could He Be Thinking? and you got the makings of a child molestation case in the works.
What the fuck is that? What Could He Be Thinking? I didn’t know men thought enough to fill a pamphlet, let alone a book.
To you women who ever EVER wonder what her man is thinking, let me explain it for you. If you ever ask him what’s on his mind, or what he’s thinking, this is exactly what he’s thinking. “Suck me off” or “give me some ass”. He won’t tell you that, unless it’s been too damn long since you gave him any kind of lovin’, but that’s what he’s thinking. So if in the case that you feel the need to ask him that, don’t bother. Instead, just unzip his pants and use your mouth for what it was made for. And I don’t mean talking.
If you constantly ask him what he’s thinking, or better yet “what’s wrong?” then there’s only one thing on his mind. “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” And maybe “get me a beer” immediately after. Men aren’t that fucking complicated to figure out. We only want a couple of things in life. Beer, food, sports, and ass. Give us one of those four things every now and then, or any combo of those things for extra points, and we’ll never be thinking anything. Ever. It’s that fucking simple.
And I don’t think that the advice I just gave you could fill a fucking book. Good job Michael Gurian, you’re right on it. Asshole.
And The Wonder Of Boys? I won’t even tackle that one. Freak.
Now onto The Jane Pauley Show. I did have a link to her show to give you that I got yesterday. Now that I’m typing this up, the domain name has expired. You see, her show sucked so much that pretty much right after it started it was cancelled. The only reason it’s on now is because her first and only season will be over in August and that’s when you’ll never see it again. Maybe there is a god.
But she did have a website, until today that is. By the way, today is 6-16-05. I don’t always post the Editorials right when I write them. So she still has two months to go with her show and they got rid of her shitty website now. Does that say something? How about this…
The first time I seen her show she had Metallica on as guests so they could promote their movie, “Some Kind of Shitty Waste of Time”. I know that’s not the real name of their shit fest movie, but it should’ve been.
Metallica right now is about as “rock” as I am “not offensive”. Metallica started sucking right after their Black Album came out and they haven’t looked back since.
What happened to them? I know it was all for the money, but holy shit cream, get your fucking balls back or something. Stop putting out this shit you call rock. People are pissed.
Of course now you’re saying, “What people? They have more fans now than ever before.” Yeah, that’s true. And the new fans aren’t really fans, because they are the kind of people that only like something as long as it’s the “hot thing at the moment” and is on the radio every 30 minutes, and won’t know who Metallica is after they’re not played anymore. But their true fans, those that got them success early on, are pissed at them because they sound like shit.
They went from the leaders of HEAVY METAL to the pussies sucking on the teat of SHITTY ALTERNATIVE. And they don’t see a problem with it, which goes to show only one thing. They are poseurs, and they always have been. True bands, no matter what they play, don’t have to change their sound to fit the times or “what’s popular at the moment” just to keep playing. Like AC/DC. Those guys have sounded the same from the time they first stepped onto a stage in front of a few people to right now, and that’s why they are the Gods of Rock. You know I’m right.
So Metallica in all of their shitty glory was on The Jane Pauley Show promoting their stunningly boring movie. And that’s when I realized Jane Pauley sucked. Because of one reason that continues to take itself in circles no matter how many times you look at it.
Metallica sucks so much now that the only chance they had at being on a show on TV to promote their movie was to go onto a show that had already been cancelled and sucked huge amounts of ass sweat. The Jane Pauley Show, being what took Metallica, and being the show that had already been cancelled, obviously sucks so much because not only was it cancelled already, but it had Metallica on it. So as you see, it just keeps going around and around. Jane Pauley sucks = Metallica sucks = Jane Pauley sucks = Metallica sucks = infinity.
And she had that asshole on that loves to watch little boys do naughty things, Michael Gurian.
I hate Metallica. And Jane Pauley. And her show. And Michael Gurian. And everything else for that matter.
UPDATE: I just found out that her site is now up again. Either they got the picture by this Editorial, or they just forgot to pay the bill, which helps prove my point even more. She’s a fucking idiot. http://www.thejanepauleyshow.com if you must see it…