What’s Wrong With You, Coke?

I just passed a billboard that showcased something that really pissed me off. It was an ad for a new Coke bottle, a 1.25 liter bottle for $.99. Instead of bitching this out, here’s a list of the current sizes of soda you can buy, minus this new one.

8 oz
12 oz
16 oz
20 oz
24 oz
1 liter
2 liter
3 liter

Did I forget one? Probably. 8 ounces is ridiculous. It’s one drink. Really. Why bother? But, if you like it, the option is there.

12 ounces, a can of pop, it can be purchased just about anywhere. A nice, quick drink for you to slam should you be in a hurry somewhere. Plus, the can is recyclable, so save them and take them to a recycling place and get some cash back. Fuck saving the Earth, YOU CAN GET CASH BACK.

16 ounces is the first bottle size. Pretty ridiculous if you ask me, it’s like having all of the greatness of a 20 ounce, except you don’t have any of those great things.

20 ounces is the best. You can get them anywhere, they’re universal. Only one thing can be better than this…

24 ounces is awesome. I just got one myself. I stopped into a drive-thru and asked for a 20 ounce. They gave me a 24 ounce instead. Why? They quit carrying 20 ounces so they could carry the 24 ounce bottles, at the same price. It’s like 4 free ounces. That’s fucking awesome.

1 liters are great if you’re super thirsty, just don’t buy one if you’re going to be outside on a hot day or it will be warm before you can finish it.

2 liters are the standard for buying pop in large quantities, although some smaller, non-big-name companies still put out the 3 liter, which is awesome as well, but sometimes the pop can go flat if you don’t drink it all up quick.

So, where does the 1.25 liter fit in? Nowhere, really, and it isn’t necessary. There are already plenty of options for you. Coke, what are you thinking? Who needs a 1.25 liter? I don’t, hell I almost never get a 1 liter unless it’s on sale. And I already have a hard time getting it out of the cooler, because places typically stuff it on the bottom and the next shelf up sits on top of the bottles. If I have to fight to get a 1 liter out of the cooler, fuck your 1.25 liter.

A story can be found here on it. While I could bitch about every fucking thing in the story, I won’t. The one thing that I like the most is, this new 1.25 liter bottle has been released to help celebrate Coke’s 125th anniversary. My only problem with that is, why don’t we get the Coke that was released 125 years ago as well? You know, with that special ingredient that really makes COKE… Coke.

They also go on to say it’s a cheaper way to bring Coke home to your household. I can drink a 2 liter, by myself in 3 glasses. So a bottle that’s almost half the size of that is a “perfect take-home size for smaller households”. I’m one person, how can a household get smaller than that? If I can drink a 2 liter in 3 glass fulls, what the fuck is this 1.25 liter for?

Let’s not mention how one 2 liter typically costs over $2. I could get into a whole new bitchfest about how their pricing makes no god damned sense what-so-ever, but I won’t. I just can’t figure out how it costs over $2 for a 2 liter, $.99 for a 1.25 liter and $1.60+ for a 20 ounce. Can ANYBODY help me out with that?

13 responses to “What’s Wrong With You, Coke?

  1. They charge more on the 20oz bottles for the “convenience” of having it already cold. I’ve never understood this method either, but people keep buying it so why should they change it? They’re making a fortune.

  2. I guess so, but typically, you can get those 2 liters, 1 liters, 1.25 liters and cans all cold too, so that still doesn’t make sense. And if I buy a warm 20 ounce, it’s still going to cost the same as a cold one.

  3. I’ve never seen warm 20oz bottles for sale, unless they’re in a 6 pack.

  4. Yes, and those are typically on sale and worth the price. But a charge for being cold? That’s a whole different rant. First of all, and I’ll leave it here, why the fuck do places have open coolers? They just let all of the cool air float away and the cooler, it has to, struggles to keep things cool. Wouldn’t they save a shit load of money if they put in coolers with doors?

  5. Who has open coolers? I’ve never seen those. Any gas station or store I buy cold 20oz bottles from have coolers with doors on them.

    And, yes, a charge for being cold. Otherwise you wouldn’t buy it. it’s a Convenience thing. Are you going to buy a warm Coke, then take it home and wait for it to cool if you’re thirsty now? They can charge as much as they want for this since people will pay whatever for the convenience.

    I don’t worry about it because normally the only time I’m buying 20oz bottles is when I’m on a road trip. If I’m on a road trip I’m already blowing money anyway…….

  6. Well, the cold charge is fucking stupid. A can of pop has gone up from $.25 to $.50 to sometimes now $.75. I rarely see those more than that.

    But a bottle of pop has gone up from $1 to $1.65 or more in some places. That’s a bigger leap in the same amount of time. Still doesn’t make much sense.

    You’ve never been to the grocery store and seen open coolers? Usually cheese, butter, eggs and meat are in them. Kroger, Walgreens and CVS all use them as well as many others. Walgreens uses them for their cold pops, and their cold pops are never that cold. I wonder why.

  7. Well of course of seen the ones in the meat and diary department. I’ve never seen one with pop in it, though.

    Anyway, I’m not defending the cold surcharge, just saying…

  8. Of course. But yeah, any Walgreens and some gas stations will have those open coolers with pop in them, and they do not keep them cold. If you come across one, don’t get a pop from them.

  9. I don’t drink pop anyway, which is probably why I have no idea what you’re talking about.

    Well, that’s not entirely true. I drink pop when it has Southern Comfort in it…

  10. Hahaha, good enough for me.

  11. Pingback: Hypocrits | Beefy's House o' Fun

  12. I buy the two liters at hellmart for $1.25. It takes me 3-4 days to polish it off. I haven’t seen a 3 liter in years. 😦

  13. You won’t from them, usually only the cheapy brands do 3 liters.

    As far as your 3-4 days, I drink a 2 liter in 3 glass fulls, ranging anywhere from 1 to 3 hours lol. That’s why I try not to drink too much pop because I’m a total junkie for the shit.

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